Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Nine Lessons From Date Night

{via MommyDelicious on Instagram}

I have a lot of love for Saturday nights. Especially this past one. 

It was just one of those Saturday nights. Since we were just coming off of Hurricane Sandy and a week off of school, the work week felt extra long -- like two weeks in one. And I was too happy to see the weekend. The only plans I had was to take Aiden to see The Very Hungry Caterpillar at Symphony Space, which, by the way, was really, really good. But no plans for Saturday night. 

However, I knew I needed to make some plans when I said, "You need to clean up all this mess and get your life together." To Aiden. My five-year-old.

So made plans I did. 

I hit up my girl R and told her that I need dinner and drinks in my life. Stat. We gathered a couple other people and headed downtown. Impromptu outings are the best ones sometimes. 

Two of the ladies who were out with us are on the verge of being mid-breakup with their beau, which made them a bit melancholy. But we all had warm hearts and cool drinks and lots of laughter. So that helped.

Plus, this one dude and I were kicking knowledge like school was in session. Not because we have this abundance of wisdom, but because we're not currently going through a breakup nor have we recently gone through a breakup, which makes us see things a bit more clearly. Not to mention that knowledge-kicking and a lil' bit of wisdom stems from the pain of pretty bitter experiences, unfortunately. (Or fortunately, whichever way you want to look at it).

Amongst the "Can I get an 'Amen'?" and "Mmm, you ain't nevah lied!" and "You shoulda known something was up when you met him on the C train... I could see if it was the 6 train or something..." and "You better speak it!" jokes and comments, my girl R started taking notes. Quite literally.

So I'm going to share them with you. Here's the list, filed under Things That Make You Go "Mmmm."

1. Part of life is about meeting people where they are.
And if where they are is not a place that they can give you what you deserve, count your blessings, and move on. Because you'll just be bitter (not better) if you stay. 

2. There's much, much more to life than being in a romantic relationship.
It really made me sad when I heard two beautiful, ambitious, and interesting women say that they have "nothing" without the guys (who have made it very clear that they don't respect them). I "get" it though. I've been in a dead-end relationship. And I've been through breakups. They suck. Big time. I know that it can feel like there will be no one else out there for you. I've had the warm-and-fuzzy-this-has-got-to-be-real-butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling. It's lovely. Magical, even. But breakups aren't the end of the world. Which brings me to my next point... 

3. Date.
Once we have success (or some resemblance of success) with someone else, we're more likely to feel more confident that we can have a relationship with someone else.

4. Life as a single person ain't so bad.
It's actually pretty glorious. If you want it to be. Don't get me wrong, there are times when I feel it would be easier for me if I were all boo'd up. And I do start thinking of destination wedding locations when I meet someone who gives me that warm-and-fuzzy-this-has-got-to-be-
real-butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling. But I'm happy as a single person. And instead of sitting home on a Saturday night and wallowing in my singleness, I hit my friends up and go out. I do things that I enjoy. I make memories. I live life. 

5. Sometimes saying "I fold" feels like winning.
When it comes to relationships (à la Carrie Bradshaw), sometimes you've gotta cut your losses, count your blessings, and chuck the deuces up. 

6. As we grow more into ourselves, we have to be focused enough to know where to spend our time and energy.
And something's and some people are just not worth our effort and/or energy. Nothing wrong with that. That's just the way it is. 

7. Romantic relationships are hard enough when they're right; no need to try to "make it work" when it's wrong. 

8. You have to live with the consequences of the decisions you make. Period.
So make peace with it, learn the lesson, and move forward. (There's a recurring theme in this post and it's to move forward. Always.) I have to live with the decision forever and a day of having a child with someone who is not a good role model for Aiden and someone who is not interested in parenting. That was my decision and I have to live with it and find a way to convey that to Aiden as he grows up. I've made peace with the situation and I've decided that Aiden will have a lovely life. No. Matter. What. Because I'm his mother. And I'll make sure of it. 

9. Choose not to be with someone who makes you cry consistently. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.
A quote from my co-teacher, the dude (that I ended up posting on my personal Facebook page. Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol): "You're saying that it's been two weeks since you've cried, but you're not focusing on the main issue: you're with someone who has made you cry."

Mmmm. That's deep.


  1. I love #1. There is so much truth in that. Like-minded people go where their interests lie, so that's where to seek like-minded people.

  2. #7 is sooo true! Relationships are a HUGE roller coaster. Why stay on it when it's over. Great, insightful post, lady! Hope you and aiden are awesome!

  3. The Very Hungry Caterpillar sounds awesome, and I seriously need a date night!
    Xo Megan

  4. u betta tell it! Love this post ! :)

  5. My best best friend and I were just talking about #4 yesterday. She is finally embracing singlehood and just figured out that it is not bad at all. We concluded that she just thought she was missing out because everyone around her was married or engaged.

  6. #9 took me a long time to learn but once I did I found the love of my life!! Great suggestions!

  7. GIRL!!! Listen this has been every learning point I've taken in in the last year and I'm still getting a grip lol. I can totally relate to #7 because forcing something way passed "this ain't it" is too much work for NOTHING. Great post, shout out to Saturday night!

  8. I love this post. This is a word to anyone looking to be happy whether single or in a relationship. This is true wisdom.


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