4.0 and Running Goals

I'm officially a runner, y'all!

A couple of weeks ago, HEB and I ran the Al Gordon Brooklyn 4M race with the NYRR and I was able to check off one of my 2019 goals that I didn't even know I had!

Even though it was pretty cold that day and I had to wake up pretty early to get to Prospect Park, I'm happy that I did the race.

At the gym, I've been running 4 miles in roughly 45 minutes, but I wanted to cut that time down by five minutes and finish the race in 40 minutes. Because #goals.

I'm proud to say that my official end time was 39 minutes and 44 seconds with a 9:56 pace per mile.

Not bad at all.

And now I can set a new goal -- to finish off 4 miles at a slightly faster pace. (Emphasis on slightly.)

Also... setting running goals, pushing through (in the cold and early morning) to meet said running goals, and then setting new running goals officially makes you a runner, no?

Onward.

Spring Breaking in Miami and Ft. Lauderdale

I'm not a Winter person. In fact, I hate the cold weather with a passion. I tolerate in during the holidays, but I'm literally ready for warmer temps as soon as it hits January 2nd. Which makes Winter really, really brutal for me.

Also, seasonal depression is a real thing.

A couple weeks ago, I was so over Winter that I booked a fairly last-minute trip to Florida for the boys and me. I just needed a few days of sunshine and warmer temps to get me through these last few weeks of NYC Winter (and since it was our spring break, I figured why not.)

I really wanted to go to Miami, but the flights were too expensive for all three of us so we flew into Fort Lauderdale, spent a couple of days there, and then took the metro over to Miami. So for an hour of our time (how long it took to get from Ft. Lauderdale to Miami) and five extra bucks (the price of the train ticket), we were in Miami.

Woot!

can't come to Florida without Mickey

Throughout our trip, we got to do all of the things that I love to do during the Summer -- dine outdoors, hang out at the playground, go to the beach, take long walks, and just sit in the sun. It was exactly what my spirit needed.

Except for when it got rough and I got tired of my kids and tired of being "on" 24/7 and tired of being the only one they could talk to all the time.

And tired of August's tantrums. I mean, it got to the point where I only fed him Pirate's Booty or cheetos because he would throw a tantrum for them and I was over it. But at least he had water and fruits, right?

And tired of Aiden's backtalk. I mean, is there something in the water for the pre-teens nowadays?! Dude's got a response for everything! Pray my strength and patience, y'all.

There's a reason that people go on trips with kids with more than one adult.

After a while, I needed a vacation from my kids. Comes with the territory, I suppose.

Needless to say, when we got back to NYC last week Friday, I sent August to daycare, sent Aiden to his bedroom, locked myself in my bedroom, and binge-watched TV shows while laying in bed and eating snacks.

Woot woot!

Talk about the perfect way to end my week off of work.

happiness is... 

Don't get me wrong: getting a little sunshine was exactly what this delicious momma needed to make it through these final weeks of Winter, but recharging after being "on" for so many days straight was also important.

Self-care y'all. Self-care.

What Progress Feels Like

A few weeks ago, I made the decision that I was going to start showing up for myself in everything that I do.

I came to that conclusion because I was quite literally in the midst of being stretched too thin and having a breakdown. Again. 

I mean, I do so much for other people. For Aiden. For August. For my students. For my teachers. For my family. For HEB. But that whole notion of the strong black woman who does everything for everyone else and goes without? That no longer sits well with me.

Because while I'm doing all these things for other folks, who's doing things for me? Who's making sure that I've eaten, that I'm handling my stress and workload well? Who's making sure that I'm sleeping alright and working out and drinking enough water? Who's making sure that I'm doing well physically and mentally and all that jazz? Who's checking for me?

The answer? Not enough people.

Because I come off as strong and put together and kinda, sorta, maybe, quite alright -- whatever that means -- then folks are going to think that it's okay not to check up on me.

But you know what?

I'm learning to show up for myself. I'm learning to create boundaries and stick to them. Even if it means someone is going to be upset with me. They will deal! I'm learning to have difficult conversations with folks and stick up for myself. Even if it means they will be upset with me.

I'm learning to teach people how to treat me by showing them how I treat myself.

And you know what? It feels damn good, this progress.

I kinda like this version of Alicia.

On Learning How To Show Up For Myself

When in NOLA... #beignets #yum

"You look so happy!," read one of the comments on my Instagram page a couple weekends ago.

In the picture, I was smiling... I was moving... I was grooving. And I was happy.

I was in NOLA for the weekend on a self-care retreat (shout-out to all the attendees of #HereWeGrow17). For the first time in what seemed like a very long time, I put everything off to the side and I focused on myself for three days.

I listened to inspiring talks from women who reminded me to take care of me; I got a massage; I tried acupuncture; I meditated and did some yoga; I ate good food. And beignets. Lots of beignets. I ate lunch poolside and had great girl talk; I had dinner with my sister-friends and we chatted about all things love and life and getting our minds right; I walked along Bourbon Street and drank 1/3 of a Hand Grenade (that drink was strong!); I soaked in the NOLA sun and replenished my mind, body, and spirit.

It was literally just what I needed to feel rejuvenated.

Tara (the mastermind behind the entire weekend), Amber, and Yours Truly

Throughout the weekend, I kept thinking how happy I felt that I made the time for myself. And showed up for myself. Leading up to the weekend, so many things got in the way of me actually going (like childcare!) and, at one point, I remember thinking that I was just going to cancel. That would have been the easier thing to do anyway.

But I didn't do that.

I listened to my heart and listened to what I truly needed. It ended up being the best weekend that I had in a very long time. And not just because I was in a different city or away from it all. It was because I showed up for myself and gave myself the permission to just be.

And what I needed was time to be... me.

Alicia.

Not the mom. Not the girlfriend. Not the Vice Principal. Not the blogger. Not errand-runner. Not the reminder of all the things that everyone needs to do and all the places that everyone needs to go. Not the house-cleaner or the laundry-washer or the lunch-preparer or food delivery person ('cuz, let's be forreal: I hardly cook and I don't like to do it anyway.)

Just... me.

And you know what? It made me happy. Very happy.

The look on my face when I
choose to show up for myself!

Real talk: I need to do more things like this for myself. And I need to show up for myself more often. Because my needs are important too. But no one is going to honor my needs if I don't honor them first. If I need sleep, I'm going to sleep. If I need to talk to a friend, I'm going to call. If I need to cry-it-out or dance-it-out or run-it-out, I'm going to do that. If I need to take 45 minutes to myself, I'm going to take it. If I need to create a boundary because I've had enough of something, I'm going to do just that.

And everyone else is just going to have to deal. 'Cuz this delicious mommy needs to recharge if I'm gonna be any good to anyone.

Showing up for myself. It's not selfish. It's self-care.

That Time I Reached My Breaking Point

Image via google

Me: Remember [redacted]?

Aiden: August's old nanny? Yeah.

Me: Starting tomorrow, she’ll be taking you to school and picking you up.

Aiden: But… why?

Me: Because... it was stressing me out running all over the place trying to get you to school, pick you up, pick August up, and then get you to football practice. I was very tired and sad by the end of the day. And I don’t want to be anymore. So I hired [redacted] back to help out. I’m sad that we won’t have that train ride together anymore, but it’s just something that I need to do.

Aiden: Okay.

That was a conversation that I had with Aiden a couple weeks ago. Up until then, my days were spent running around from one place to the next, trying to keep it all together… and failing. Miserably.

Up until then, my days would go something like this:

I wake up, check the time. Shucks, it’s 5:30am already. Ugh! I just went to bed! Snooze for a few minutes. Convince myself to get out of bed. Get the kids’ lunches together. (I know Aiden can pack his own, but no sense in both of us being miserable. He might as well sleep in a little longer.) Wake Aiden up. He groans and grunts. Can’t blame the kid – I feel the same way! A few moments later, we’re out the door, heading to the subway. I read to Aiden while on the train. It’s our thing and it’s our time. Get Aiden to school. Hugs, kisses, and lots of you-can-do-it pep talks. Dash on the train to get to Harlem in time for work.

Whew!

I’m already wiped out, but it’s only 7:20 in the morning. But I push through. I attempt to boss-it-up and not act as crappy as I feel. Glance at the clock. It’s 1pm already. I gotta get someone to pick Aiden up from school. Text all the parent friends that I know. Can anyone pick Aiden up for me today? Afterschool hasn’t started yet and I’m at work. I’ll owe you big time! Pray for a response. Let out a sigh of relief when I get a “yes” from his BFF’s mom. Dash over to Aiden’s BFF’s house after work to pick him up.

With Aiden, dash back down to Brooklyn to pick August up from daycare before the cut-off time. Miss the cut-off time. Crap. I hate all the things right about now. Vow to pay the $25 late fee by tomorrow – and be on time! (I’ll pay the fee, but can’t really guarantee that I’ll be on time. #Shrugs) Glance at my phone. Crap! We’re late for football practice. Take the bus over to the football field and get Aiden changed into his football gear while at the field. #DontJudgeMe #ItsBeenALongDay #AndItAintOverYet

Head over to a nearby restaurant to try to find August something relatively healthy for dinner. Sit for the first time in hours while Aiden finishes up practice and August eats dinner. Take the train home after practice. Get the boys showered, snacked up, hugged up, and in bed.

Breathe… for the first time since 5:30 in the morning. Glance at the clock. Crap. It’s after 10 and I’m beat. Beyond beat. Shower. Down a bowl of cereal. Get in the bed.

Crash.

Wake up the next morning.

Rinse.

Repeat.

Over and over again until I’m filled with so much stress and anger (towards everyone and everything) and resentment that the tears don’t even fall anymore.

Damn. This can’t be God’s plan for my life. (My therapist seems to think so too.)

I can’t take it anymore. Something’s gotta give. (My therapist seems to think so too.)

And so…

I made some drastic changes.

I re-hired my old nanny to help shuttle Aiden to and fro throughout the week. I started to send the laundry out instead of doing it myself. I put HEB on bedtime duty for August so that I could relax a little. And, most importantly, I didn’t feel guilty about any of those things.

I’m still busy and I’m still tired at the end of the day, but I have so much time and energy freed up from my schedule. There aren't as many "tabs" open in my head. And, most importantly, I’m no longer miserable.

And that’s what matters the most.    

Baby steps, y'all. Baby steps. 

Podcasting On Dating, Relationships, and Love

All this time, I thought I was only interested in writing... blogging... communicating online. So when I was invited to be interviewed on DRL Dating, Relationships, and Love with Tennesha Wood, I hesitated.

Naturally.

I thought, What can I possibly say to a young, single mother that I didn't already write in a blog post?

And... What if I don't have anything to say? What if I suck at this whole 'talking-it-out' thing?

And when Tennesha told me that she doesn't provide guests with questions in advance, I was thisclose to canceling.

Word up!

But I stopped myself from sabotaging myself, I got out of my own way, I acknowledged my fears and insecurities... And I did it anyway.

And you know what?

It was so much fun!

Over amaretto sours, Tennesha and I chatted about so much! How I thought I was at the top of my game at 22 having graduated from Columbia, landed a job, and lived in a hip Brooklyn neighborhood. (Man... 22-year-olds think they know e'rything! I didn't know nothing!) How I got pregnant and hit rock bottom. But most importantly, how I picked up the pieces, started dating as a single mother, and became known as Mommy Delicious.

I also talked about a few things that I've never shared here before, like how I found out Aiden's other parent was cheating on me (hint: Myspace was involved) and I dropped a few gems as well about how to maintain your sanity and sense of self as a single momma tryna find her own way and raise healthy babies.

Turns out, I don't only like writing and blogging on the Internets. I like talking too! And I don't suck at it. At all.

Check out Dear Mama, the latest podcast on DRL Dating, Relationships, and Love with Tennesha Wood featuring yours truly! You will laugh, you might get angry (in solidarity with ya girl!), and you will feel inspired.

Oh, and tell a friend to tell a friend!

Products Galore with New Moms Babbleboxx

I have to admit: there was a time not too long ago when I didn't "get" subscription boxes. Like, I couldn't understand why anyone would want a whole bunch of random samples in a box. But then I ordered a subscription ox full of self-care goodies (thanks Tara!) and I was hooked! It was like everything that I needed to increase my relaxation factor by, like, 100% was delivered right to my doorstep. Literally. 

And then I fell in love.

And now I can't get enough of subscription boxes.

So when I heard about a subscription box specifically for new moms, I was excited to see what it was all about.

products galore!

I mean, one of my biggest struggles ever since I found out that I was getting ready to welcome Baby Delicious into this world was figuring out which products work best. With Aiden and August being eight years apart, I'm just out of the loop on all things baby products. (Related: Products and brands in the baby department have changed. A lot.) And, let's just say I need all the help I can get.

Enter New Moms Babbleboxx.

What I love so much about New Moms Babbleboxx is that it not only contain products for Baby August, but that it also has some pretty awesome things in it for me.

Like the Mustela Maternity Stretch Marks Prevention Cream. The cream is specially formulated to reduce the appearance of stretch marks for new and expecting mothers. It's non-greasy and fast absorbing and -- bonus! -- it didn't rub off on any of my blouses or dresses when I put it on. Score! (Bonus: You can receive 20% off your entire purchase until May 15th using the code MustelaBabbleBox. Double Score!)

Or... like the Arm & Hammer Truly Radiant Clean & Fresh Toothpaste. If you want a toothpaste that'll start whitening immediately and freshen your breath with a surge of cool spearmint, then this toothpaste is the way to go!

Or... like the Fujifilm Instax. It's definitely one of my favorite products in the entire box. I mean, who doesn't want to take more pictures of their adorable baby?! I love that it allows you to photograph all the cuteness and get the pictures immediately with the INSTAX Mini 70. A major plus?! The pictures come out incredibly sharp! A another plus? There's a "selfie mode" that automatically adjusts settings for the perfect mommy and baby selfies.

otherwise known as cuteness wrapped in a Gerber bib

But New Moms Babbleboxx doesn't just cater to new moms. There are goodies for the baby as well.

Like Gerber's Childrenswear. I always say that babies can never have enough onesies. They are literally the perfect garment for layering or for pairing with baby skinny jeans (another obsession of mine). They are available in short sleeve and long sleeve lengths, and the ribbed openings are designed to perfectly fit baby's legs and provide freedom of movement all day long.

Or... like the Boudreaux Butt Paste. Truth be told: I heard so much about this popular diaper rash cream, but was reluctant to try it since I've been in love with another ointment since Aiden was a baby. But after using the butt paste for a few days, I can definitely say that I'm hooked. Not only is it free of parabens, preservatives, dyes and phthalates, but it also provides relief from the very first use. And, whether your little one needs the original formula, maximum strength formula, or all natural formula, it can be used with every diaper change.

Or... Sesame Street Naturals. If you're looking for bubble bath, a gentle cleanser, or a multi-purpose balm, then you must check out these products. They are derived from plant-based ingredients. They also shea butter and aloe for extra moisturizing benefits. It's perfect for August's delicate skin and leaves him fresh and snuggly. Even more so than he already is.

Okay. So you've heard it all. I'm totally feeling the products that arrived in my New Moms Babbleboxx and I'm totally jumping on the subscription box bandwagon.

Even more so than I already have.

{Disclaimer: This is a sponsored post by Babbleboxx.com on behalf of Single Edition Media. Thank you for supporting Mommy Delicious.}

{Guest Post} Style Trends for Moms

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By Sarrah Juzar 

It’s a new year and we are all too excited about trying out new things, polishing our personalities and bringing out that “new me,” we promise ourselves to, at the start of every year. However clichéd or overused this new year resolution may sound, I think some clichés should always stay, clichés which sprouts optimism and even a bit of a chance for betterment. 

We all love to look and feel better at any point of the year (but the enthusiasm is quite strong at the beginning of year). As for mothers, they hardly get time to pimp up themselves and their wardrobes, but it is that time of the year when you can actually take a look at the trends and shape your wardrobe according to them.

To all the beautiful mothers out there,

While you are shopping for your little ones, how about you keep your trend list along and shop for yourself too.

Here’s all that you need for the coming seasons of the year 2015.

The Curvy Beauties:

This year has been a literal happy new year for women with beautiful curves.  We are mothers and it’s absolutely okay not to have those skinny frames because we have a whole lot to deal with. As a matter of fact, super heroes (that are undoubtedly, moms) can’t always be skinny. If you’re curvy and fit then you’re in the best shape and yes, there’s good news for you. While the world was busy making not so practical trends; London fashion week for Spring 2015 had something real to offer with their Evans Plus-size runway. Evans made waves for many years to come, with their biggest plus size runway for spring 2015. The best part was, everything presented at the runways was adaptable for all sizes. Here’s a quick look for cute curvy mommies.

Come spring, and every women (moms in particular) should get their hands on dress like this. The sheer beauty of white, with Aztecs and sequins is nothing short of perfection. The dress strikes a flattering image with this light weight layer of eyelet jacket. I say, every mother should get this for their LWDs.

 Gingham:

Ginghams are shaping the new trends and taking them to a nostalgic new level. So don’t miss out on this trend and get at least a dress or a gingham skirt for this year. You and your little one can match a gingham outfit and look super cool.

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Culottes and roomy pants:

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Thankfully, the pants have changed from skinny to roomy and this year. There are culottes and denims that are big. So no more Ms. Skinny jeans, and yes to evening pants, all things comfy.

These trends are easy to be adopted and totally wearable for all the super moms. You can always experiment with colors and style as per  your own taste. Have a great year and look fabulous!

 Author Bio: Sheerin Jafri is a passionate lifestyle and fashion blogger. She writes for Sophie & Trey, an online clothing store for women.

The Day I Got A Restraining Order. And My Power Back.

Silence.

When it comes to domestic violence and an abuser staying in control, that's their most valuable and powerful asset -- the victim's silence.

A couple months ago, Aiden's other parent resurfaced, He started texting and calling me non-stop, and then showing up to my apartment building uninvited.

Stalking and harassing and trying to intimidate me.

I wasn't sure what his motives were, but I had two guesses: either he found this little space on the Internet, got a glimpse into Aiden's life, and wanted to be a part of it... or something in his life is currently out of his control and he's looking for a way to exert power over something or someone else.

And that someone is me.

Deep, deep, deep down inside, I'm hoping it's the former. But my heart, mind, and soul are telling me that it's the latter.

Sigh.

Either way, I've been afraid. More afraid than I ever thought I'd be. And, consequently, more stressed than I ever thought I'd be.

I've always tried to imagine what it would be like to run into him or see him again. I figured I'd be a little scared, but still brave. Brave enough to walk with my head up and shoulders squared. Brave enough to speak my truth and tell it like it is. Brave enough to act from a place of power and strength, not confusion, fear, or despair.

But when I saw him standing on the corner of my block a few weeks ago, I froze. My head was not up, my shoulders were not squared. Instead, my heart stopped on that Tuesday evening.

You have got to be kidding me, was my first thought.

I hope he doesn't try to start some shit, was my second.

I held Aiden's hand as tight as I could and hurried into our building. I was shaking and the tears were beginning to form in my eyes and my mind was racing... Please just let me make it inside my apartment. Please just let me be safe. Please just let me spare Aiden from witnessing anything horrific right now. Please let us just get upstairs and lock the doors behind us...

Once upstairs, my phone rang. Over and over and over again. It was him. Then the text messages came. Over and over and over again.

I didn't respond. I contemplated calling the police, but I didn't want Aiden to have to hear or see any of that. (Although he was clearly aware of my stress and emotional state.)

That's the thing about living in a constant state of fear and stress and panic... it effs up your entire life and it's no way to live.

In fact, it's downright debilitating!

Having to look over my shoulders every five seconds whenever I was leaving my home or coming back to my home is no way to live. But I've lived that way these past few weeks. Having to literally run from my building to the train station or from the train station to my building because I didn't want to run in to my abuser is also no way to live. But, again, I've lived that way in these past few weeks.

I started locking the top lock of my front door during the day (something that I've never done before!) because I had crazy thoughts of him somehow getting into my apartment while I was at work and holding me hostage in my apartment once I got home.

After all, he's done it before. Twice.

I've spent sleepless nights starring out of my window wondering if he was outside of my building and thinking that I should use the basement exit when I leave for work in the morning.

One weekend, I cancelled lunch plans that I had with a girlfriend (sorry J!) and a fun event that I planned to take Aiden to (sorry A!). Instead, we spent the entire weekend in the apartment because I was too fearful to go outside. I called it our Pajama Party weekend and we made pizza and watched movies.

I always tell folks to share their story, to give a voice to what has happened to them, to begin the healing process. Yet, here I was hiding, running, being silent, being afraid, being powerless...

So I got my power back.

A couple weeks ago, I went to family court and filed for a restraining order. With my head up and shoulders squared. I had to go to that place and relive the abuse so that I could tell the court clerk and the judge exactly what happened to me, but I did it. I was nervous and scared, but I knew that I had to push pass those feelings to end up on the other side.

The judge granted my restraining order and the police served it to him.

Game over.

He's not allowed to be near me, my home, my work, Aiden's school, or any place that I frequent. He's not allowed to contact me by mail, phone, e-mail, voicemail, or use any other means to get in contact with me. He can't assault, harass, menace, strangle, attempt to intimidate, coerce, or engage in any other type of disorderly conduct towards me. He can't interfere with the care and custody of my parenting. He can't try -- in any way -- to exude power over me.

Not anymore.

A schedule will be set up by family court in order for Aiden and him to have visits with each other and I have to walk around with my extra copy of the restraining order at all times. (You know, just in case shit hits the fan.) It feels kinda weird having to walk around with a piece of paper at all times, but if it means that Aiden and I will be safe, I'll do it.

I told my story. It's documented. It's on the record. And I can't help but to feel a bit more free.

And powerful.

After all these years, I got a restraining order. And my power back.

{Personal Style} Striped

I have a new favorite dress. It's gray and comfortable and sophisticated and hugs me in all the right places, in a quite conservative way.

I paired it with a bold statement necklace, stacked bracelets, and an over-sized ring, because accessories make every outfit better, right? Right. 

I knew this dress would be great with a jazzy pair of pumps because when I turn around, this dress is fun. And striped.

Magenta striped. Delightfully striped. Deliciously striped!

Matter of fact, I think the magenta stripe is my favorite part of the dress. It's just so whimsical and fun. And kinda sexy.

Hope you all are having a great week. Stay stylish!

First Day of School: Style Edition

skirt, blazer, blouse: H&M | bag: MARK by Avon | 

shoes: Banana Republic | stacked bracelets: Stella&Dot 

It feels like just yesterday that I was helping my teachers pack up their classrooms, hugging my students, and wishing them a fun-filled summer. Today, I'm welcoming them back to school for the 2014-2015 academic year. And I'm doing it with style and grace.

Behold the first day of school outfit:

I'm kicking the year off with a very simple and classic navy pencil skirt, matching blazer, and bright yellow blouse that'll add a pop of color. I'm also adding a trendy statement necklace to jazz up the outfit a bit. Oh, and I'm wearing my new fave shoes: stacked pumps that I scored on sale at Banana! Woot! They are absolutely perfect for walking around a school all day long.

And, of course it wouldn't be a great first day of school with a "good luck" hug from my main little guy. He starts school in about two weeks and I can't wait to show him the same amount of love and encouragement that he's shown to me. (Totally my definition of team work!)

Even though school's starting, I'm still in a Summer mindset and I fully intend to soak up every... single... ounce that's left of Summer. I'm already planning another beach or pool day this weekend and outdoor dining will take place well into September. #JustSaying

Anyone else starting school this week? Student parents? The kids? If so, wishing you lots of love and luck!

Stay stylish!