Tuesday, August 16, 2011

On Learning to Be Alone

The month of January was coming to a close and one of my closest friends and I have been trying to meet up for a movie date for the past few weeks. She's was super busy traveling in and out of the country for work and I was super busy with single Motherhood and grad school and life.

I'd spent the last few months pondering if I was enough to handle this whole single mother thing and raise Aiden on my own. I'd put my best single mom foot forward, and a few months after breaking up with the other parent, I was finally embracing, well, my single mom status. And I was liking it. Loving it, actually. Aiden and I had enjoyed his 3rd birthday in October, Thanksgiving in November, adventures around the city and Christmas in December, and New Years. Just us two.

And it was good.

Little did I know that during that time, I was not only learning to be a single mom, but I was also learning to how to be single


Because of our busy schedules, my friend and I were never able to decide upon a meeting time to see the movie. One Friday, after a particularly long three-hour Practicum class where a group of us Psychological Counseling students watched videos of ourselves in therapy sessions with our clients from the previous week, provide feedback to each other, and set goals for our upcoming week's session, I was beyond ready to relax.

So... off to the movies I went! I didn't even call another friend as a backup date. It was just me, myself, and I. All by my lonesome. As the movie played, I looked around and noticed that I was literally surrounded by couples. They were everywhere. I was expecting an uncomfortable feeling to creep up on me, but much to my surprise, it never did.

That's when I realized that I am enough -- not just as a single mom, but also as a single gal

And I couldn't help but to feel damn good.

Here I stand, months after catching a movie solo, more than a year after ending things with the other parent, unattached and fully embracing my 'Single Gal' status. And at this point in my life, I feel as though I want to ride out singlehood till the very end of the road, turn the corner, and ride down the next road as well... till the bitter end. 

And then try to find Mr. Right and totally commit myself to a higher purpose. Fearlessly. With no hesitation. 

But until then...

I'm learning to be alone. To be happily alone. To lead a full and fulfilling life... alone. And more importantly, I'm learning that I can, in fact, make it on my own.

Yep... I am enough. 


  1. I know I am married but I see nothing wrong with being alone. We get caught up with others want for us, being in a exclusive relationship heading towards marriage, home ownership,and etc. just because everyone thinks that is the path of life. None of that matters as long you are completely satisfied just simply doing you.

  2. read the post...very inspiring it is girl!
    i wish you good luck and love to Aiden. :)

  3. This post is a powerful message to all women. It's alright and healthy to be alone sometimes. We have to content by ourselves before we can share ourselves with another person. I'm glad you are enjoying your single gal time!

  4. Great post. I think everyone needs to learn how to be alone. It's an awesome feeling!! I remember being in college and for some reason I was afraid to go to the cafeteria alone. I always had to call a friend or try to meet up with them. Then one day I said I'm going! I did wait until it wasn't so packed and at a time where I could relax and not be crowded at a table. It was awesome. I enjoyed sitting there looking out the window, zoning in and out, listening to peoples conversations (if I wanted) and etc. I just remember feeling so great that I actually had a great time by myself. After that I began doing a lot of things on my own.

  5. Great post and being that I've been single for 3 years, I can relate. You don't know how strong you are until you're able to stand alone. Good for you!

  6. beautiful post! you are enough and then some! everybody needs that lesson at some point. some people are in and out of relationships all the time out of fear of being alone. learning that you are enough prepares you for whatever lies ahead. *speaking from experience!

  7. Awesome post! Love this because it really is true about learning to be alone with one self, that's the best and only way someone can enjoy you and your company!

  8. This is awesome!

    It takes a strong woman who can grow comfortable in her singleness, but once you're "there" it feels great. I had to get accustomed to this when I moved to NYC years ago and went thru a difficult breakup. After being alone for some time, and then starting to take up different hobbies and stuff (this is around the time i got into the online/blogging world) i realized how incredibly fun and fulfilling it can be. You totally start to enjoy your singleness so much, and grow as a person, and you really dont miss being coupled up. You know that when the time is right it'll happen.

    Good for you for reaching that place! You wear it well. So awesome. Stumbled this one.

  9. So many of us define ourselves based on the relationships that we are in at that time. However, when the relationship is over we have no idea who we are anymore. We all need time to be alone. To really get to know what we are made of. Use this time to appreciate all that is beautiful about you!!

  10. AMEN my dear... great post and an inspiring one for all single women..

  11. How wonderful! If you can't be happy alone, how can anyone expect to be happy with you? Not many know how to answer that one...well, said.

  12. Such an empowering post! This is something everyone, whether in a couple or not, sound be able to do.

  13. I love this post, Alicia!!! I'm a really super social gal. I'm married and I have the 3 boys so I'm hardly ever alone...but I do like to be. I LOVE to go to the movies alone. My husband thinks I'm crazy. And I LOVE to go to restaurants alone. If I want to try someplace new and I can't convince someone to go I'll go by myself. I think this comes from when I was on location working on some movies in Canada and I knew NOBODY. I had to eat and live so I just went out and did it alone. Granted I made some friends doing it but it is so empowering. I'm proud of you!!!

    Lots of yummy love,
    Alex aka Ma, What's For Dinner

  14. Being alone is awesome. Although, I'm married now, my single years were great too. Even my stint as a single mom was good. I learned that I can make it on my own with a baby if need be.

    I found comfort in being able to make plans without worrying about somebody else's. Glad that you're learning the same and finding that comfort.

  15. You are an awesome lady, and although you are MUCH younger than I-- I suspect you are much more mature. love that I know you now.

  16. Way to go Alicia! I am so happy that you understand that now and not many many years later. It is so freeing when a woman realizes her power...that she is enough, all by herself. Amen sista!


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