I have a firm belief that exes should be a thing of the past. In fact, my philosophy has grown to "We didn't make it as a couple, so you need to not exist anymore." This may sound a little harsh and judge as you may, but I reserve my "ex energy" for having the necessary conversations and making the necessary transactions pertaining to Aiden. It makes my life that much easier.
Something changed last week as my ex and I were in the middle of a quick "Aiden-specific transaction" in that I actually spoke to him for longer than five minutes. Although it was a bit superficial, our conversation centered around where our lives are right now.
Speaking with him certainly reaffirmed my decision to end the relationship and happily move forward with my life. I'll admit that I felt a little sadness when he first moved out of my apartment because it hurts to know that I gave my all to a relationship, but my all still wasn't enough.
As I stood there talking to him in public (refer to this post if you need to know why), I realized that there are several things that I can accredit to our time together -- besides the fact that I now have a beautifully sweet and lovable son.
One thing's for sure: that relationship pushed me into becoming the woman that I am today. It may have been a rude awakening, to say the least, but it pushed me hard. And fast. And I've taken away lessons that will continue to push me as I become the woman that I am meant to be.
That relationship also helped me learn even more about who I am and what I'll stand for. I kick ass at life by giving myself fully and giving my all to everything that I do, and for me, romantic relationships are no exception.
But as my good friend Tessa over at Real Sorbet once stated, "he loved selfishly" (can you even call it love?!) and I love selflessly... that's a bad combination!
The lesson here is not to not love, but knowing who to love. And knowing how much I'm worth. And recognizing when something doesn't add up to what I'm worth. And knowing how to say, "peace out" when enough is enough.
Getting caught up in a toxic relationship can happen to the best of us. But all we can do is live and learn and try not to make the same mistakes over and over again.
After all, growing pains are there to help us become our best selves -- surely they hurt enough to push us to that "best" self!
And to me, being introspective enough to learn the lessons and move forward takes guts. Lots of guts. So high fives all around to you and you and you!