Thursday, February 7, 2013

{Dating Tales} This Is The Thing That I'm Not Good At

[photo via]

Effective communication. Consistent effective communication. Specifically in romantic relationships. And specifically when I get upset over something.

I know what you’re thinking.  

"But… but… you’re a blogger!"

"But… but… you earn money from writing, from communicating!"

"But… but… I read your blog three times a week!" (Humor me, please.)

Be that as it may, I'm not as an effective communicator as I’d like to be when it comes to romantic relationships.

I have a cycle and it goes a little something like this: I have a disagreement with a guy. I get angry. I shut down. I think not-so-nice things to myself that I’d like to say, but wouldn’t say because, well, it’s not-so-nice. I shut down some more. I get silent. (If I speak, more often than not, it's typically something sarcastic.) I think more not-so-nice things. I give a blank stare instead of responding. 

I know, I know... It's bad. 

I've gotta learn to do better.

That's the thing about staying in a toxic relationship for so long. You pick up a few unhealthy -- and unhelpful -- habits along the way. 

But I'm working on it.

And I'm learning how to make a change. Slowly, but surely...

(So you know: Yes, there's a guy. And, yes, I'll share more info at a later time. Maybe.)


  1. I don't think there's a parallel between being a blogger and your communication skills. Matters of the heart are a whole 'nother issue in my opinion. And if you have been in several unhealthy relationships, it's hard. Trust I've been there.

  2. Becoming an effective communicator is something that I'm still working on. Yes, people think that because we communicate so well on our blogs, Twitter, Facebook and in business settings that it automatically rolls over into our romantic lives. However, like Laila said matters of the heart of complicated. There's a lot of more feelings involved and a more avenues that you have to navigate.

    As long as, you're trying to become better that's all that matters. You can't fix something unless you make an active attempt to do so. Can't wait to hear more about this guy!

  3. Um. You sound way too much like me! I had to get better at that. Being that I'm married and I can't go home when my husband pisses me off. Yeah, I had to learn to communicate and get that ish out! In a nice way, of course. ;-)

    Side note: Totally looking forward to hearing more about this guy... maybe.

  4. i think you nailed it when you said you learned alot from being in a toxic relationship...
    its not that you don't know how to communicate effectively, you may be afraid that if you do, this person will respond in the same way the toxic one did.
    so the next time something happens, step out in faith, and say what you need to say; you may be surprised at the response.
    Everyone is not toxic!!

    Happy dating.

  5. At least you know what you need to work on! So folks have no clue what they are doing wrong in a relationship.

  6. I could communicated myself and I am married. You are headed in the right direction. Good luck working on it all.

  7. Communication is harder when there are emotions involved, as in relationships. We're all that way, but it's good you recognize it and want to make things better.

  8. Keep working at it Alicia and eventually you will get there. Knowing that you need to communicate better in this area is definitely a big plus.

  9. I've always found it easy to "write it" than to "say it," so you are not alone in this problem. You are strong and smart so you will figure it out. great post! ...and best of luck "the guy" :-)


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