Thursday, February 21, 2013

{Dating Tales} This Thing About Communication...

It's been a few weeks that The Guy and I have been hanging out. I kinda like him.

We've spent time alone on dates and we've spent time together with Aiden. This is a first for me. I usually don't introduce my dates to Aiden.

I enjoy his company and have a really good time whenever I'm with him. The entire "situationship" feels pretty grown up to me. And that's a good thing.

But there's this thing about communication. A couple weeks ago I wrote this post about how I maybe kinda sorta might could possibly be an ineffective communicator when it comes to romantic relationships.

And it's true. I am. 

I have a cycle that goes a little something like this: I have a disagreement with a guy. I get angry. I shut down. I think not-so-nice things to myself that I’d like to say, but wouldn’t say because, well, it’s not-so-nice. I shut down some more. I get silent. (If I speak, more often than not, it's typically something sarcastic.) I think more not-so-nice things. I give a blank stare instead of responding.    

I've been trying to work on it, especially in this grown up "situationship" with The Guy.

But... old habits die hard. And it's an uphill battle at times when trying to get rid of something that's habitual.

So I had a relapse a few days ago. And The Guy was not accepting it. He thinks I'm pretty great and all, but he showed me some tough love that day...

"The way you communicate is immature."


Is he kidding me?! Did those words just come out of his mouth?! Seriously, is he talking to me like that?! Are there still words coming out of his mouth?! Oh, wait... I should listen to this...

"...You say that you want Aiden to learn to be good at communicating. So you have to be able to do the same thing..."

Really though?! The Guy is on a roll. Oh, wait. He's still talking...

"...You get upset and shut down and not talk to me. That's unfair... And the way you handle your emotions is immature."

Well damn. I guess he told me. Tell me how you really feel, why not?!

And that's just what The Guy did. It was nothing that I asked to hear, nothing that I initially wanted to hear. But everything that I eventually needed to hear.

So I listened. Eventually. And I took it all in. Eventually.

I nodded, swallowed my pride (I'm stubborn so it took a lot out of me to do that), and mustered up the courage to say, "You're right. Thank you. I needed to hear that." (Major points for putting on the Big-Girl Pants.)

And now, this thing about my communication skills? We're working on it together. I'm happy. I need to make an effort to work on this aspect of myself.

And The Guy? Yeah, I kinda like him...


  1. his response made it easier for you.

  2. That's what relationships are suppose to do -- cause us to grow and mature. Cheers to this guy! He sounds cool.

  3. I love the way you write! lol
    He sounds like a keeper, so far. :-)

  4. you strut in your Big Girl Pants! high fives for taking the constructive criticism. he sounds like a keeper

  5. Any guy that can put in your place in a "nice" but tough way is a good guy! Rock on in ya big girl pants!

  6. He seems really mature and a good communicator - two big pluses!

  7. Sounds like you got a winner. Good for you putting on your big girl pants, atta girl!

  8. This is so me and its happening right now. One of the hardest lessons I've had to learn.


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