Monday, April 30, 2012

{Dating Tales} Keeping Good Karma

I'm sitting in training workshop at my agency with several other counselors and social workers. It's the second workshop in a series of six 3-hour long workshops that's scheduled to take place over six consecutive weeks. It's a Friday morning and the weather outside is pretty gorgeous -- sunny, spring-like, lovely.

I am bored.

To pass time, I try to engage with the facilitator of the workshop as much as possible by giving my two cents on everything from child development to why it's important to express empathy with others, especially our clients.

There's one guy in the workshop filled with a dozen women. Tall, dark, and handsome, he's got my attention. And he has the most beautiful eyes that I've ever seen. Ever. Now, I'm a lips gal myself -- a brother with some sexy lips and a sexy smirk to back it up wins me over every time. But man... those eyes, those eyes...Yes!

At the first 3-hour long workshop, during introductions, I find out that he's originally from the south and moved to New York City for law school, but is currently taking a year off and is filling that year by working at my agency (but not in the same office as me). Nice. Noble. He proves to be a gentleman very early on when he offers to throw my empty cup of coffee in the trash. So I give him the nickname SG for "Southern Gentleman."

He walks in late to the second 3-hour long workshop and the only sit available is the one next to me. He sits down... next to me. And things begin to get really interesting really fast. During the first half of the session, I compliment him on his sneakers. "Nice kicks," I say. Give a brother a compliment, and he'll run with it. During the break, he strikes up a conversation with me about one of my favorite things in the world -- Aiden. He's got a southern accent and it's kinda sexy. During the last hour of the session, he begins scribbling something on a piece of paper and then hands it to me. It reads: You seem really interesting; would it be possible to get to know you a little better?"

Hold up. What grade are we in again? Because the last time I saw a message like this, I was in the 5th grade. (I later find out that he was going to draw little boxes so that I could have checked off "yes," "no," or "maybe." He should have done that -- it would have been cute. Sort of.)

Realizing that he was waiting for a response and that I was trying not to laugh, I respond in a very polite way. From there, things get even more interesting.

Friday afternoon:
SG hits me up asking if he could take me out that night. I'm intrigued, but can't go out because I'm heading to New Jersey to spend time with my Godmother. I inform him of this and tell him that I'll be back on Sunday.

Sunday afternoon:
SG hits me up to ask if I had a good weekend. That seems nice, right? Halfway through the conversation, SG says, "You're really pretty. I just felt the urge to tell you that." Umm... how does one respond to that? Very politely, I say, "thanks," and later in the conversation we make plans for a date the upcoming week.

Monday morning:
I get a text from SG saying, "Good morning. Have a good day hun." Umm... hun?! How did we get here?! I try to respond casually by saying, "Good morning" back to him. Nothing more, nothing less.

Monday afternoon:
I have a voicemail waiting for me saying, "Hey Alicia! This is SG. I just wanted you to know that I dropped my phone and the screen broke so I won't be able to see your texts. But I wanted to give you my work phone number and my email just in case you were trying to reach me." I pull my phone away from my ears and say, "really?!" into the receiver, as if my phone was the one talking to me. The phone rings. Again. It's SG. He wants to know if I got his message. (Seriously, I can't make this stuff up.) I tell him that I did and we proceed to talk for a few minutes. During the conversation, I ask him where he lives in NYC. When he says that he lives about an hour away from me, he asks, "Is that going to be a problem? Because I don't want that to affect our relationship." Our... WHAT?! How did we get here?! I figure out a way to politely end the conversation because I'm obviously getting freaked.

Monday night:
I get a text from SG. It reads, "Thanks for giving me a chance. I won't disappoint you." Umm... you already did. 

We've already planned a date for tomorrow night, but I'm thinking that I need to get out of it. Fast. So I'm thinking of every excuse I can use to cancel.

But I don't. I go on the date and when I see him -- and those eyes -- I remember why I agreed to go on the date in the first place.

The date is pretty solid. I have a nice time and few good laughs. Halfway through, he tells me that he's definitely interested in dating me. No, really?! I would have never guessed! I tell him that I'm at the point where I'm enjoying dating and getting to know different people. He's not feeling that response. At all. SG seems as though he's interested in being in a relationship. Like, yesterday. In fact, the morning after the date, I get a Facebook friend request from him. Too much too soon, folks. Too much too soon. So, a few days later, when he asks me if there will be a second date, I have to give it to him straight.

Now... I've been on both sides of the coin. I've been the person waiting to see if someone more suitable comes along, and I've been with someone who seemed to have been waiting for someone more suitable [than me] to come along. It ain't pretty, but all's fair in love and war.

That being said, I don't want to find myself in a position where I'm leading this guy on. I believe in relationship karma. And "karma, karma, karma comes back to you hard." (Name that reference. It's from one of my favorite albums ever!) So I tell him. I say, "I'm not looking to be in a relationship... It definitely seems like you and I want different things at the moment. And it would be kind of messed up if I continued to hang out with you when we both know this."

His rebuttal? "I'm not asking for a relationship, Alicia. I just want you to be open. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. But don't eliminate me without getting to know me first."

I can't lie -- that response does pull at the heart strings.


Maybe I was too hastily in prejudging this one. Maybe SG has a good point. Maybe I should give this one another shot...


  1. Oh wow. This was one good read. Lol. That guy... he is definitely coming on strong. And to be honest, I think he said that thing about not wanting a relationship and only wanting you to give him a fair chance not to lose you just yet. I think it was just a line, telling you what you want to hear.

    But then... I could be wrong. I can't wait to see where this is going to go. Keep us updated.

  2. I'd give another chance, and if he's too strong again, don't ever return his calls...

    On another note, the 'interesting' bar was strong and kind of gross, one was good, but the other was just nasty, I'd recommend the naturals, but after using the mv night cream again my face looks kind of chalky, like residue, I dunno maybe it was a fluke.

  3. Follow your first thought. Great post.

  4. love this post lol. I can just see ur face as ol' boy progresses in his courtship lmao! :) I can't even tell u what to do in this situation. I always go with my first instinct. With DD that instinct was that this was all fun and games. Generally, I think we know a little more than we give ourselves credit for :).

  5. I love reading about your dates! He does sound a little hard core but what's wrong with a little fun? Well, I guess if he understands that y'all aren't getting married tomorrow.

  6. He is definitely coming on super strong very early on, which is usually a huge turn off for me! But I say go with your instincts. Great post btw :-)

  7. He either knows what he wants or is very aggressive.

  8. Ok, well, he seems like he's probably just a Southern guy who plays it straight meaning that he upfront and puts his feelings out there. Just a different style of dating. I'd say give him another chance because you did feel sparks right away.

  9. Southern guys (particularly older, established ones) know what they want. I say go with it.

  10. This was such a good read. Although nice, he is coming on a little strong. Maybe if he toned it down a bit. Like the last commenter said, he is southern and I also have found that they do not waste time beating about the bush regarding what they want. Give him a chance, see where it goes.

  11. Most southern guys are like that. When they see something they want they will go great lengths to get it. I'm not saying he wants to marry you tomorrow but he sounds like he is definitely interested in seeing if he can change your mind about being a relationship down the line.

    I think over time he'll slow roll. And if not at least you gave it a honest shot.

  12. Great post. I'm late so I know you gave him another shot but I can't believe no one answered the karma reference. L Boogie!!!!

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