Thursday, January 19, 2012

Have You Found Your "Happy"?

The other day, I saw a status update on a friends Facebook page that really struck a chord with me. It read something like, "When you learn that happiness is a choice, you begin to make different choices..." Choose happiness.

A few weeks ago, I was having a conversation with an old [single] girlfriend. She was going on and on about how sad (and lonely) she was/is because she lacks that special someone in her life. She went so far as to say that she felt almost cried the previous night because she wanted to go out, but didn't have a guy to go out with.

Sigh.

I get it. Sometimes being single can feel lonely. But I'm a firm believer in being proactive to create the life that you want and surrounding yourself with things that make you... happy. I'm a firm believer in choosing happiness. So naturally my response was that she should have called a few of her girlfriends up and make plans to hit up one of their favorite spots in the city. Easy enough. Her response? She wanted to go out with a man. Okay. I'm single. I can totally dig wanting to be all boo'ed up for a Saturday-night date night. My response? "Well, how are you going to find 'him' if you're at home moping around on a Saturday night. You're young (she's, like 25 or something), go out, have fun, enjoy your 20's."

Then I made the mistake of putting myself into the equation. I said, "I'm single and I have fun. You can always come out with my friends and me should you feel the need." Her response? "Maybe marriage is not for you; I [pointing to herself] am a relationship girl."

Pause.

I was in no mood to fight that battle on that lovely Sunday afternoon.


I'm sure there's a reason why I'm here... at this particular place in my life. (And you. And you.) There's some lesson to be learned, some experience to become engrossed in, some goal to achieve. It's not entirely easy learning how to be alone and enjoy your own company, but I do think that it is necessary. Not to mention, once you're there, it is pretty awesome.

Sure I'd like to have someone to share my life with -- the dope things and the dreadful things -- when the time is right. But, until then, I'm choosing happiness. If I want to go out, best believe that I call my girls up and say something along the lines of, "Let's do something fun. Get dressed, we're going [insert name of favorite spot here]." One doesn't find happiness by simply being in a relationship. That's a huge myth, if there ever was one, and those who think that's the case are in for a rude awakening.

I feel like I'm finally at the point where I'm making conscious decisions to just... be happy. It's not always easy because sometimes it requires making difficult decisions, but the peace of mind and serenity is totally worth it.

I once read, "This is your life. Do what you love and do it often... If you are looking for the love of your life, stop. They will be waiting for you when you start doing things that you love" and things that make you happy.

I found my "happy" and I'm holding on to it come heck or high water.

Have you found yours? What are you doing to hold on to it?

16 comments:

  1. I found my happiness during my short stint as a single mom. I always knew that I didn't need a man to define me and that we shouldn't rely on others or things to make me happy. I know that happiness is something I do for myself and make happen on my own.

    So, I'm constantly checking in with myself and asking what I can do to improve myself and my happiness. I'm glad that you've found your happiness after all that you've been through and hopefully the same will happen for your friend.

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    1. Thank you, YUMM. *Hugs* I agree with you -- checking in with ourselves is so totally crucial to make sure that we are at our best selves, ya know?

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  2. I can definitely relate to this post. I absolutely agree with you. I had a conversation with a friend similar to this but it was a guy. I must say this guy is ten times more emotional than any woman I know and has such a negative view about himself because he's single and alone. I tried to explain to him that happiness comes from within and that if he can't expect for someone else to give him that. Of course he didn't get it because he was set on blaming his miserable life (so he thinks) on someone else. It's not easy being alone. I've had my struggles but I've learned to be alone. The moment I did and decided that my happiness came from within my life became so much better. I didn't need anyone in my life to complete me. I was already happy. I just want someone to share that with. I never had to search for anything because what I needed was inside me and so unexpectedly I found someone who I could share my happiness with. As long as I was swallowing in my misery I was never going to find anyone. Thank God I found my happy and now I have someone to share it with.

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    1. I am so happy that you have someone to share it with as well! It really is a blessing. But I think it's also crucial that you mentioned you found your happiness BEFORE getting into that relationship. Which makes it that much more awesome.

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  3. Happiness is definitely based on choices you make. Granted, there may be times we are in situations that may alter our state of happiness, but we always have to have a game plan to not stay there.

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    1. Key word, Christine: game plan! We have to have a game plan to get back to... happy.

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  4. I agree with you. When I was single, I felt like your friend at times. Then, I realized, I wasn't helping things by being that way. I found things to do with friends and by myself. I just enjoyed my life and got to know me! It was beautiful.

    People kept telling me to enjoy myself and not to rush into marriage because all of that me time you had as a single person isn't there when you're married. I didn't want to hear it then but, they were right.

    I'm glad I got to know me and enjoy myself. My 20's were great. The 30's aren't too shabby either. ;)

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    1. You know Cam, I'm actually looking forward to see what the 30s will hold for me. The 20s are aiight so I think the 30s will be so dope!

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  5. This is a great post and it surely hit home. I happened to have ended my relationship this past September and its been a hard few months from being with him for years. But I guess I found my happiness because although its been tough I still make sure I have fun. If he ain't the one then ok! NEXT!!! When it comes, it comes.

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    1. Amanda, break ups are hard and sometimes awful. They suck. Period. Trust me on this. I KNOW! But like you said, if he's not "The One," then there will be someone else out there better suited... for you. Until then, live your life. Fully. You only have one so make it count. *Hugs*

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  6. I can truly relate but you must keep the faith. But through all my circumstances I am HAPPY. Even if I am single and even though I miss date nights. I know there is someone out there for me again!

    www.cancerinthecity.com

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  7. i totally agree. your happiness can't depend on anything but you!

    www.lindsaygranger.com

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  8. I love this post. I just posted something about being happy. LOL's. I tell ya! The person I am working with on being happy is my cousin. She sounds like, and sometimes worse than, your friend. I remember feeling the same when I was young. What gravitated me to your blog was your age and your positive choices about life and being a single mom. Way to go girl! You have someone who believes in you in Colorado!

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  9. I remember when I was single I spend many years trying not to be which lead to bad choices and unhealthy relationships! When I finally made the decision just to enjoy the incredible life I had that was when I truly found my happy. Those were some of the best years of my young single life! It wasn't until after I stop looking for love that it found me!

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  10. "But I'm a firm believer in being proactive to create the life that you want and surrounding yourself with things that make you... happy."

    I agree with that so whole-heartedly!!! Great post! Stumbled!

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