Thursday, September 1, 2011

The Break-Up: One Year Later

Well folks, we did it. Aiden and I survived one full year post break-up. Actually, we more than just survived. We rocked it! Last month made an entire year since I became a single mom. And instead of announcing it, I pondered on how I not only learned to be a single mom, but also a single gal.

This week, my mind keeps returning to the time when I first learned that I can, in fact, make it on my own. Below is the post, originally published on October 26, 2010. I hope you get as much out of it as I did while re-reading it.

Refilling The Spaces In My House... And Heart

It all started with the boots. The fabulous, flat, over-the-knee boots that I found (on sale!) at David Z. And I just had to have 'em... along with a few other items that I love!


When I got home that day, I didn't have any space in my closet to put my new love (ie: the boots) because my closet was a hot mess.


I'd broken up the ex about a month-and-a-half earlier and became a single mom. I was in the process of cleaning out the huge, walk-in closet that I shared with Aiden, and transferring Aiden's clothes into the closet that his dad once used. But I never quite finished the job. It was only half done and my/Aiden's closet was one huge mess.


I didn't want to just throw the boots down in the closet because, well, that's no way to treat my new boots.


So I cleaned out my closet.


Then I cleaned out Aiden's new closet/ his dad's old closet.


But then my bedroom needed to be cleaned (to go with my clean closet and all). So... I cleaned my bedroom. And bought a brand new comforter set. Love it!


Soon it was time to tackle the rest of my cozy apartment.


I painted the kitchen a brand new color that pops and adds just the right amount of flavor, and purchased new floor mats, table mats, and curtains to compliment the new color. Nice!


I shampooed the living room carpet and bought new toss pillows for the sofa, along with updated wall art... all by my lonesome. POW!


But in the corner of the living room, where my ex's stereo system used to be, was a huge EMPTY space.


And on the entertainment stand where the 46" television once was stood was another huge EMPTY space.


For a month-and-a-half, I'd done nothing with that space. Nothing.


I let it stay that way, which is NOT like me. Trust me on this: my type-A,everything-has-to-be-perfect personality forces me to have things neat and in order in every aspect of my life.


But I guess I was in some sort of a post-break up funk. I guess I really had to let it sink in that it was truly over. I guess I had to feel the loss -- and the huge empty spaces -- mentally, physically, emotionally...


Break-ups suck. Big time. And no matter the circumstances surrounding the breakup (we were totally incompatible), who initiates the breakup (that would be me), or how relieved I am that it ended (believe me, I am), they still suck. 


There's always some sense of loss, some realization that yeah, it's REALLY over. For me, it was not being able to leave Aiden with anyone while I run to the store really quickly, or go down to the laundry room to put a load in, or take a shower, or fill the empty spaces...


The empty closet that once belonged to my ex? Now it belongs to Aiden.


The empty space in the corner of the living room where his stereo system once stood? Aiden's second bookcase and animal farm now occupies that space.


The empty space on top of the entertainment stand where the television once stood is now occupied by the new television that I purchased. Can you believe Aiden and I went an entire MONTH without watching tv?!Whew! Glad THAT'S over! I need my Law and Order SVU... and Sex and the City... and Grey's Anatomy...


The empty space in my daily schedule? Thankfully, I started going back to the gym 3-4 times a week after a month long hiatus. And I started reallytalking to and spending time with friends. And living life, instead of going through the motions of everyday mundane living.


The empty space in my heart... where I thought I had to overcompensate for the sense loss that I felt and be this perfect mother to Aiden. That was leading me straight downhill so I'm glad that's over too. Now I strive to be the good enough mother.


That makes me happy and Aiden happy as well.


Little by little, room by room, I began refilling the spaces in my house. And my heart. And now that that's happening, I can't even remember what was there before.


Funny the way life works...

19 comments:

  1. I'm a newbie to the blog and I love your writing style and this is a great post. I was raised by a single mother and have some great respect for the strength it takes. Cheers to you!

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  2. Such a powerful post! I can only imagine what it was like for you to re-read this now, after all you have accomplished and SUCCESSFULLY gone through. You are amazing and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise xoxo

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  3. Very, Very, inspiring for me to ready this. Thank you so much for sharing. And you will continue to rock this!

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  4. This post is so inspirational to me. I'm newly single and boy does it ever hurt sometimes. I can't imagine being a single mom on top of that.

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  5. Congrats girl! What a beautiful example you are setting for other single mothers out here. Yes, it can be done!! I know Aiden appreciates all that you do.

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  6. What a beautiful post! Wow!!! And one whole year?! That deserves a POW!!! You're amazing, amazing, amazing.

    Big HUGS,

    Li
    @LaLicenciada
    @HerDeepThoughts

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  7. Hey Lady:

    I have been so busy. I just found time to stop by and say hello, and thank you for your support. I found your post a great read as usual. I trust all is well. Have a great long weekend.

    Della

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  8. happy one year and it looks like you've made some amazing progress in the last year! Single young mom and fabulous!

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  9. Happy one year! You made it! You're stronger, wiser, and happier!

    Progress is a beautiful thing!

    http://chocolatemomrants.blogspot.com/

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  10. Lol. I love it! I am proud of you for finding things to keep your mind at ease from your break up. I always I'm worried when my friends jump from one relationship into another.

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  11. This was so good! Very powerful post - I'm glad you reposted. I missed it the first time.

    And you're right, no matter the circumstances breakups are HARD. But you handled this one with such grace and class! Love how you mentioned that, after a while, you dont even remember what filled the old spaces. Awesome!!!

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  12. Wow what a great post. My friend is going through a divorce right now and I had her read your story. Very uplifting and has given her hope that in the long run she will be ok!

    Thanks for sharing!

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  13. Loooooooved this! That is one thing I love about blogging you can always go back and see your growth. I think you are phenomenal. I've said it once and I will probably say it again. Keep rocking it!!

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  14. great post! It's awesome to watch you transform. You made it! Keep it moving mama. :)

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  15. After reading many of your posts, you truly write from the heart. Yo go girl!

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  16. Oh my what an amazing post! I'm about to share this with Asia & Soraya. This post is SO on time as we go through our relationship-funks. =[.

    Thank you so much for this. It (literally) was a breath of fresh air.. =]

    Kimberly, FWB

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  17. i can't believe its been a year! congrats!

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  18. this is such a powerful post. happy break up anniversary. the next time love comes around your heart will have room because of all the hard work you did to clean out the baggage and make an empty space...so proud of you!

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  19. F him! Just look at you now. Stronger than ever. Funny how life works.

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