Friday, December 10, 2010

Am I Really Enough?

Since venturing into my role as a single mother, I must admit that it's been no easy task. But I knew that already. I knew that it would be hard before I decided to become a single mother, which is one thing that kept me for so long from plunging into this new role.

However, one thing that I didn't know is just how much I would struggle with the thought of being a single mother and parenting my baby Aiden, well, solo. I didn't know how much I would feel as though Aiden was being deprived by not having two parents who live together. I didn't know that I would feel this overwhelming sense to overcompensate for the, eh, absent parent. I didn't know that I would constantly ask myself the question, am I really enough?

But here I am -- a single mother. And what's done is done, so I cannot do anything about that.

But what I can do is really remember that, as a single mother, I'm a mother first. I just happen to be single.

And instead of focusing on the "single" part of it -- Will Aiden be deprived of love? Will he suffer tremendously? -- I decided to focus on the "mother" part of it. For instance, I love the fact that each and every day I have the chance to help Aiden grow into a capable and competent adult. I love the fact that each and every day he has the chance to really contribute to our new family structure, be it cleaning up his toys or "helping" me with dinner. I love the fact that it'll help him develop his own sense of self-worth and self-esteem.

I mean, it's called "single mom" and not "double mom" for a reason, right? I refuse to believe anything other than I am enough. One, single, capable, compassionate, loving parent can most definitely be enough to help a child grow into a competent, capable, and socially conscious adult. Plus, it's gotta be better for Aiden to live in a happy and peaceful home instead of a not-so-happy and slightly dysfunctional one.

So... when his dad doesn't show up to important events, I have to believe that I am enough.

When I am beyond exhausted and stressed out, I'm still enough. Just a lil tired.

When I have no one else to pass him off to, yes, I'm enough.

I may not know how to throw a football or enjoy all of the rough-and-tumble play that Aiden loves all the time, but like I said before, and I'll happily say it again, having one, single, capable, compassionate, loving mother does more good to Aiden than living in a not-so-happy and slightly dysfunctional two-parent household. Point blank. Period.

So yea... I. Am. Enough.

26 comments:

  1. Yes, you are enough!!! Who says that kids need to parents to turn out to be healthy adults? Sure, it would be nice to have your child's father in the home, but a happy home is the best home. And if someone doesn't want to be a part of a family you can't force them. Further more there are single women choosing to have kids without a mate everyday and their kids turn out fine so why would your prince turn out any different.

    Life throws us curve balls and we need to roll with them instead of letting control us. He knows how much you love and care about him and that will always be enough.

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  2. Great post, very inspiring! I'm a new follower from MBC simply follow group. I would love if you could follow me back at Tips for Saving
    http://ourtipsforsaving.blogspot.com

    Thanks and KIT!

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  3. The fact that you question yourself and are always striving for more for him- Yes.. Yes you are enough and probably more than many children (sadly) get!

    XOXO

    Ro

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  4. "I mean, it's called "single mom" and not "double mom" for a reason, right? I refuse to believe anything other than I am enough. One, single, capable, compassionate, loving parent can most definitely be enough to help a child grow into a competent, capable, and socially conscious adult."

    Perfectly said. Xoxo.

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  5. Love it, love the blog! Thanks for visiting, commenting, and following! You seem amazing and I am looking forward to reading more of what you're writing! I love that part about "single Mom" not "double Mom" Although I'm not a single mother all the time, I am while the hubby's deployed and I could definitely relate to what you were writing. Thanks for the great perspective!

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  6. You are indeed enough! I really enjoyed reading this post and it shows how important your role as a parent means to you. All any child needs is love, patience and guidance. Keep up the great work with your little boy!

    Thanks for stopping by my spot. I am now following you and liked you on FB :)

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  7. Wow! You are enough! What an inspiration you are! You made me feel so strong as a mother! Thank you.

    Found your blog on MBC!

    www.mommypong.blogspot.com

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  8. You are enough!!!, beautiful and inspiring post for all the single moms out there!!..

    Keep it up!

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  9. Beautiful post! You are enough, and you're doing a wonderful job! I love reading your posts :)

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  10. You are enough, love and attention is all children want! Wonderful thoughtful post. Very much enjoyed it!
    New follower, found you on blog hop!
    www.allgoodinmommyhood.com

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  11. Of course you are enough. And honestly, I have a husband, but I do it all. And "double mom" would be awesome, wouldn't it? Imagine having an extra pair of capable hands on board.

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  12. Yes Alicia, you ARE enough. Just like Sandra, I'm married but do just about everything except work outside the home. As a matter of fact, he's on a guy's weekend right now, go figure. Both my boys are fast asleep though so I'm good. I'm from Bk, so u definitely have plenty of things to do with your little one in the city.

    Following you from the blog hop.Stop on by.
    Tawanna
    www.momsguidetotravel.com

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  13. Thanks for stopping by my blog and for your support, it means a lot. I really like your blog too, so heartfelt and real, we both have a lot in common. I also had a son while I was getting my degree and opted to raise him by myself for the same reason you are. Best decision I ever made hands down. Today I am happily married in a loving relationship and my well adjusted, respectful and loving son is my greatest supporter. Yes, you certainly are ENOUGH.

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  14. Hey there, thanks for stopping by and becoming a follower. I like this post a lot--very insightful. It sounds like you are a great mother and that you are doing a stellar job. Keep it up.

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  15. You are MORE than enough!!!! Even before you were a single mom I admired the way YOU were raising Aiden and now I am just amazed at what an awesome mother you are! The decisions that you have made have not been easy ones but they have been the right ones for you and Aiden!

    Nikki

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  16. Hi! I'm blog hopping today hoping to make new friends and landed here. You sound like a great Mother. My husband was always too busy to get involved with our son anyway so the poor boy got me all the time. I'm sure you and Aiden will have a great time together. I have added myself as your newest follower on GFC .
    I'm off to browse around your blog now. Please drop by and maybe follow me if you fancy a laugh. I'd be delighted welcome you. I am a vision of the future!
    Warmest wishes
    Carol from www.facing50withhumour.blogspot.com

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  17. You are so right! You are enough and you child will appreciate you so much when he is an adult because of the sacrifices that you made for him. It is not easy but it is worth it!

    I am following you now from MBC:)
    www.momstheglue.blogspot.com
    www.deanabarnhart.blogspot.com

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  18. Honey, I can't throw a football either! You might find out from a lot of married folks (like me) having a spouse that has to be forced to be involved is not the "fun" other side of things.
    PS It looks like I really met Tyson, but I didn't!
    www.gaynycdad.com

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  19. WOWZA! When I wrote this post, I had NO IDEA how much support would roll in. You guys are awesome and I am so happy to "know" you... all of you. It certainly wasn't easy to get >here< but, here I am! A *happy* single mama!

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  20. Thanks for stopping by Remember Ember! I am now a follower here!
    Now here's a virtual (((hug))) for your strength! I know deep down you know you are enough! My mom was a single mom and she did a great job and you will too! I praise you for being able to do it alone and staying strong. =)

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  21. Well said! Since our chat on Twitter thought I would come visit. Good stuff, he is a lucky boy to have you. The sad part is many would rather have their child in a dysfunctional environment to say there is a mom and dad in the home. It takes a real Mama to focus on whats important! Cheers to you!

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  22. I love this post. you dont have to compensate. Your son knows and when he is older will realize what a great mom you are. You cant compensate for his father not being there. Your job is to take of you and your son. You are amazing.

    http://www.nycsinglemom.com

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  23. I've been on this journey for 11 years and I still walk down this road in my mind. What I'm learning to do more is look at the fruit. My son is healthy, thriving, smart and the one thing I am so very very proud of. If I wasn't enough with GOD as my partner and a great support system I wouldn't be able to celebrate the successes that have been won. Keep being the best mom that you are. Best wishes to you!

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  24. Amen, honey! You are enough, and Aiden is one lucky little boy to have such an awesome mom!

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  25. you are awesome! enjoying your blog. have a great weekend-- xo

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