Friday, January 28, 2011

Because You're Worth It

Shortly after I ended things with my ex, I remember thinking to myself that the cost of being in that relationship was extremely high. I gave so much of myself, and with the exception of my delicious Aiden and having others believe that I had a perfect family, I got very little in return. 

The truth is, the ship sailed on our day in the sun a long time before the relationship actually ended, and tragically, I was still on it. For far too long. I remember reaching several low points. But I think one of my lowest point was when I could no longer see myself as awesome. 

I'm going to pause to allow you to re-read that sentence. And let it sink in.


And because I could no longer see myself as awesome, I slowly started to believe that I was not awesome. Not deserving of basic things people enter a relationship for. Not worthy. Not worth it.

Not to speak badly about my son's father, but staying in that relationship took away so much from me -- almost to the point where I couldn't recognize myself anymore. 

Sad, but true. 

Almost as if I gave so much and lost so much more in the process. Lost my sense of self. Lost my purpose. Lost my way. 

I couldn't see myself as awesome. And I couldn't see my way out.

But somehow, someway, I made it out. Alive and well. I have a few scars, but I'm out. Better. Stronger. Wiser. Lovelier. And more loving.

I'm on a mission now to figure out how do I learn from the incidents of my past relationship so that it does not happen to me again. And I'm starting to figure out that it's by remembering my worth. Every. Single. Day.

I wish it hadn't taken me as long as it did to come back to myself, but hey, everything in it's time, right?

But you... you can learn from what I went through. And know that you don't have to stay in a relationship where you don't feel good about yourself anymore. You're worthy. And you're worth it.

We all are.



  1. Yes, we are worth it. I read a lot about young moms torn between leaving bad relationships and sticking it out for the kids and for the image of having that perfect family. But is staying in a bad relationship really the best for the kids? And what is the perfect family?

    As a child who grew up in a home with parents who had a bad relationship, I always wondered why my mom never left? I know it's not easy to end your marriage but I can't help but feel like some of the scars I have wouldn't be here if she had. So, when my dad finally did walk out on us for good, we were all relieved. He had broken my mom down to the lowest point she could go.

    Thankfully, she has realized that she deserved more and still does. The healing process from bad relationships is not quick and it's not easy but well worth the escape.

  2. New to your blog, popped over from ivy league insecurities...

    What a profound thing you realized and thank goodness you did! It is too often that people stay in relationships past when it is healthy to do so for both parties and it's so sad when one or both parties start to lose their sense of self-worth or "awesomeness" because of it.

    I think this is applicable even outside of relationships. The daily grind of life can wear you down to the point where you start to forget your awesomeness. It is good to have friends or family to help you re-recognize it if you are not able to do it on your own.

    Anyway, glad I stopped in!

  3. What a powerful post. As always am inspired and motivated by you.

  4. What a great post Alicia! It is amazing how our vision of ourself gets clouded when you're in a bad relationship. I'm so glad you found your way out, I've been there more times than I would like to remember.

  5. I agree so strongly with this idea: We are all awesome!!! It builds every part of our lives when we realize this. Thanks for sharing.


  6. I was thinking about something similar this week, wondering what I've learned from each of my exes, knowing there must be something from each. I definitely learned, as you did, the hard way that I am worthy of happiness, a good man, and a good relationship, free of drama. But I am glad I did. I think it's made me more compassionate and more grateful for my husband now. Thank you for always having these wonderful posts.

  7. Well you know what I always say "better to have two happy parents in separate homes than two miserable parents under the same roof." I'm glad you realized this because you are definitely awesome. xoxo

  8. aww Licy, you are awesome and don't you ever forget it.

  9. GIRL POWER!! You rock! and can't a soul in this world change that but YOU! Keep doing your thing and making all of us and your little man proud!

  10. What an amazing realization! Isn't it a beautiful moment when we can really see ourselves and then take steps to be the person we want to be. It takes courage my friend and I admire you so much! You are awesome and so much more! I love this post! :)

  11. very wise words to live by. thanks for sharing!

  12. It's just part of the learning process. No one teaches you how to be in a romantic relationship. You have to experience it yourself to learn what you want and what you don't. It's complicated and as I've mentioned before, it's kind of awesome to see you're getting this all so relatively young. :)

  13. Such an important and brave post. It is amazing that by sifting through your past here, your evolution of self, you are likely helping so many people.

  14. Hey there, so lovely to see you tonight! I came over to your "home" here to get to know you a bit.

    This is a lovely, honest and brave post. Thank you for letting us get to know you better, really see inside you here. Looking forward to many more fun meet-ups in the future!

  15. Amazing amazing amazing. And yes, YOU are AWESOME.


  16. Beautiful post! You are awesome! Always remember :)


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