Monday, August 2, 2010

Doing It With Love

To say that my pregnancy was unplanned is an understatement. A huge one. I totally and completely, with every fiber of my being, did NOT plan to have a baby at my young age.

I mean, I knew it could happen because I was doing the deed and not taking precautions for it not to happen, but... I just didn't expect it to happen. To me.

At the first sign that I was pregnant when little miss flow did not make her special appearance, I was in denial. I just didn't believe it. I mean, it couldn't happen to ME, right?

At the second sign that I was pregnant when I was hovering over the toilet bowl at 5am throwing up what felt like all of my insides, I was still in denial. I chalked it up to the bad Mexican food that I ate the night before.

The third sign came a few days later. As I sat on the toilet and starred down at the positive sign on the pregnancy test, I was like DAMN! But I was still a bit in denial. I mean, it could have been a false positive, right?

So I went to see my GYN. And she tested me to see if I was pregnant. And I was. But of course. As I laid on the examination table for the first sonogram, she said, "There it is. That's your baby."

My most immediate thoughts: mother eff!! OMG!!! Sh#t!! Aww f#$*!!!

Then, with tears in my eyes, I thought, "Is that my baby? Am I going to be a mother?!"

Then the fear sank in. Along with some more less-than-appropriate words. Sh#t!! How am I gonna DO this? How am I gonna tell people? What about my life? What will others say?

I resented my pregnancy A LOT. In fact, I kept it a secret for about 5 1/2 months. Really. The only people who knew about it were my Ob/gyn, the father-to-be, and me. Really. It took me along time to muster up the courage to tell people. And sport my baby bump as proudly as I could.

As I wrote in a previous post, I still loved my unborn child. But maybe if I got to live and experience life a little more, I wouldn't have resented my pregnancy as much... maybe if I wasn't so ashamed that I wasn't yet married... maybe if I didn't pay attention to the stares and looks of pity from people... maybe if I wasn't so concerned with what others would say or think. Maybe, just maybe, I would have actually been able to -- GASP! -- enjoy my pregnancy.

But, at some point during my pregnancy, I decided that this WAS my life. And I decided that I was going to make LOVE be the driving force behind everything that I did for my unborn child. And after he came into this world.

So I decided to do right by him. I went to all my doctors appointments, read all the books and magazines, went to the birthing classes, ate right, exercised, and took a tour of the hospital.

I was determined to give this baby the best gosh darn life that I possibly could.

And I have.

And I am.


  1. Awww. This is such a sweet post.

  2. Aww, girl, I was the same way. Been meaning to write a post about my pregnancy, but feel its too personal too sensitive for me. I also was in a sever state of shock when I found out I was preggo. As I watched my stomach expand millions of questions ran through my head. How was I going to be a mother? My mother didnt teach me how to be a mother and now I have to mother a child? For the rest of their life?! But I made a vow to that precious baby girl that I would do right by her and provide the best life I could for her. And I have struggled and I've fought and I've shed tears along the way, but what matter is that my daughter knows she is loved, she's happy and she's healthy.

  3. Beautiful! Simply Beautiful! You are an awesome mom! Aiden is so very blessed to have you for a mother.

  4. I can totally relate. Mine was unexpected as well and to make matters worse my relationship was on the rocks but thankfully, I decided to woman up and stick it out. Kids don't ask to be here. So, as parents we have to do right by them. After all it was our choice not to take the proper precautions (in come cases). And hearing my daughter's heartbeat for the first time was simply amazing and brought tears to my eyes. It made me even more determined to be the best mommy that I could be regardless of the situation.

    I think that we young moms have it we have it tough, but sometimes we make it harder on ourselves when we focus on the negatives instead of on the beautiful gift God has chosen to bless us with.

  5. I love the post, and your honesty, I always knew you would always be a great mother and everyday that i see you with Aiden youprove to me how great of a mother you are.....Aiden is a lucky child!!

  6. Wow! When I wrote this post, I didn't think of the overwhelming support that I'd receive from it. Thanks a lot, Ladies!

    @Mommy Glow: Yes!!! Seeing our children happy and healthy makes some of the million and one questions cease. Like we've succeeded!

    @YUMMama: Awww... hearing the heartbeat is such a totally special moment. And yes, once we focus on our gift from God, it make all the difference.

    @Nikki, K-Rock, and Doris: Thanks for the kind words. I try, I try...

  7. This post made me smile : ) x I totally relate and think being driven by love is a really beautiful thing! xx Go you and your little cutie!


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