Thursday, October 26, 2017

What Progress Feels Like

A few weeks ago, I made the decision that I was going to start showing up for myself in everything that I do.

I came to that conclusion because I was quite literally in the midst of being stretched too thin and having a breakdown. Again. 

I mean, I do so much for other people. For Aiden. For August. For my students. For my teachers. For my family. For HEB. But that whole notion of the strong black woman who does everything for everyone else and goes without? That no longer sits well with me.

Because while I'm doing all these things for other folks, who's doing things for me? Who's making sure that I've eaten, that I'm handling my stress and workload well? Who's making sure that I'm sleeping alright and working out and drinking enough water? Who's making sure that I'm doing well physically and mentally and all that jazz? Who's checking for me?

The answer? Not enough people.

Because I come off as strong and put together and kinda, sorta, maybe, quite alright -- whatever that means -- then folks are going to think that it's okay not to check up on me.

But you know what?

I'm learning to show up for myself. I'm learning to create boundaries and stick to them. Even if it means someone is going to be upset with me. They will deal! I'm learning to have difficult conversations with folks and stick up for myself. Even if it means they will be upset with me.

I'm learning to teach people how to treat me by showing them how I treat myself.

And you know what? It feels damn good, this progress.

I kinda like this version of Alicia.

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