Thursday, June 8, 2017

Breaking Chains

Monday night…
Aiden: I’m gonna unfriend Ryan on Roblox.
Me: How come?
Aiden: Because he was talking about my avatar with Rolan and they were saying how it doesn’t look nice. And I got mad at him and stopped talking to him. I told him I’m not gonna be his friend anymore and then I said to him, “You know why I’m mad.”
Me: What’d he say?
Aiden: Nothing.

A few minutes later…
Aiden: Do you think I should unfriend him?
Me: Ummm… I think that maybe you should cool off a little bit and let him know what he did to upset you tomorrow in school. And then maybe decide if you wanna unfriend him after talking to him.
Aiden: Okay.

Wednesday night…
Aiden: I was a little sad and mad today because Ryan sad he wasn’t gonna be my friend and he wasn’t gonna invite me over for a play date ever again.
Me: What made him say that?
Aiden: Because he kept talking and getting us in trouble during basketball so I kept telling him to stop talking and he got mad at me. And that’s when he said that. So I got mad and sad and I wasn’t talking to him.
Me: Wait. Didn’t you unfriend him on Roblox?
Aiden: Yeah… but I added him back as my friend because we made up.
Me: Oh. Got it.

Thursday morning on the way to school…
Aiden: Ooh, mommy! So I was playing Roblox last night with Ryan, Rolan, and Zeke. And we…
Me: Umm… are you guys all friends again?
Aiden: Yeah, we all made up.
Me: Oh, okay…
Aiden: Anyway, we were all playing and we had to work together to escape…

And thus began a long-winded story about places they had to escape and characters they had to trick in order to escape these places and things they had to do in order to trick these characters. And blah, blah, blah.

Truth is, I still don’t know squat about the video game Roblox. And I’m obviously not as interested in the game as Aiden is. But I am interested in Aiden’s life – his friendships, how his day went, if something got him upset, and all that jazz. I am interested in giving him advice, if he asks for it. And sometimes even if he doesn’t. I am interested in who he is as a person and building a strong relationship with him. He knows this. He came to me with his problems and asked for my advice. He knows I'm available to him. He knows he has someone in his corner. I'm pretty sure it'll be the same way when August gets older and has friends and/or problems. 

Thing is, my boys already have a better relationship with me than I had with all the grown-ups I was surrounded by when I was growing up.

I’m already breaking chains, building new bridges, and creating new ways of doing things, which is enough to make me happy. 

I have nothing to worry about. 


  1. Whenever I'm reading here I'm thinking that I will remember this site, to come back one my own son has this preteen-age. You're doing really great as a parent. I hope you know this.

    Also: you're reflecting. So, even when you will make mistakes, you'll be willing to reflect them, too, and to excuse yourself to you sons, and to listen to them, and to pick up their subtile and not to subtile signs when something is not going great.

    Like last year, when Aiden was going through a bad period. It wasn't your fault, you wrote it was about his other parent and a lot of changes. But nevertheless you didn't say 'it's not my fault, deal with it, go to your father, let him deal with his own shit'. No, because it's your kid, you helped him. Without thinking a second about it. And, most important, as I read, you won it, although 'won' maybe isn't the best word. I meant to say: it seems like Aiden feels chill again, and is able again to concentrate to his social life with all the small problems only kids can understand.

    So, yeah, you're really doing a great job. I really think kids benefit a lifetime long from parents that are merciful, making priorities, self-reflecting, having dealt with their past, and have the courage to stand up against those who did not well to them.

    PS I'm sorry for all the mistakes in English, I'm typing this comment hastily and as you may have understood, I'm not English, just an international reader :)

    PS2 I don't understand the settings for commenting, so I'm commenting as 'unknown', but my name is Sarah. I once e-mailed you, but it's a very long time ago, I think almost a year ago.

  2. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  3. Roblox is truly awesome and my kids just love it. However my eldest just discovered these hacks for Roblox and at first I got worried that he might get into trouble. Fortunately we were assured that it's all good.

  4. This is such an amazing blog, meaningful content with some meaning unlike those useless blogs on the internet.Indian Independence Day Speech for Kids


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