Tuesday, March 1, 2016

The One You Never Have to Worry About

I've never been the person that people worry about. Not in front of me anyway. I always have it fairly put together and always find ways to deal with whatever I'm going through. And whenever a hard situation comes up, I always suck it up, buckle down, and grind through.


So much so that it became the way people began to describe me. And define me.

It's a blessing, being this resilient.

But it's also a curse.

Because... I'm never the person that people worry about. If I'm sick... if I'm trying to fight to figure out a way to help Aiden get through a rough patch... if I'm expecting a baby... if I'm stressed with work and motherhood and, well, life...

People don't worry about me. Not in front of me anyway.

I'm never the person that people worry about. Like, ever.

But here's the thing about being the person people don't have to worry about: it's a pretty lonely way to go through life.

It's partially my fault because I always tell people that I'm "okay" or that I'm "fine". Even if I'm not okay, not fine, or feel like I'm falling apart on the inside.

Everything is not always fine and, I'm starting to accept that that's okay. After all, that's what it means to be full and complete and whole and flawed and... human.

And so. I'm challenging myself these days. To be flawed. To allow people to truly see me, worry about me, care about me, love me.

Because I deserve it.

It's taken me almost 32 years to figure this out. But hey... baby steps.

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