Thursday, January 24, 2013

I Won't Let Him Down

Aiden has been spending more and more time with older men. It’s been a blessing to both of us, but mainly to him.

He wants it. 

He needs it. 

That rough-and-tumble-this-is-testosterone-territory, I-love-my-mother-but-this-other-person-TOTALLY-gets-me moment seems to be what he lives for these days. 

I'm beginning to notice it more and more. And I've been doing something about it -- seeing to it that he spends more meaningful and productive time with other males.

But something happened a few weeks ago that made my heart sink. 

My friend A, Aiden, and I were playing with his toys on the living floor of my apartment, and, in the midst of laughter and smiles, Aiden called him, “daddy.” 

I didn’t make a big deal out of it, and I’m not even sure if A noticed the Freudian slip, but in that very moment, I felt sorry... 

Sorry that I didn’t pick a better parenting partner to help raise Aiden; sorry that Aiden doesn’t get to call someone “daddy” every day; sorry that Aiden doesn’t have the security in a father that he deserves. Just… sorry

That night, as I read Aiden a bedtime story, tucked him in, gave him sweet hugs and kisses again and again and again, and rubbed his back until he fell asleep, I vowed to have him spend as much time with other lovely male mentors as he needs. 

He wants it. So badly.

And more importantly, he needs it. So badly.

It's so very crucial to his development. 

And so.

It's up to me to see to it that it happens. I can't let him down.

I won't let him down.


  1. I know I've said this before, but I think that you're doing a beautiful and extraordinary job at raising Aiden. That little guy is so blessed to have you as his mommy. I admire that you are going beyond just providing him with the basic necessities like shelter, clothing, food and love. You're providing him the opportunity to learn how to be a man from other males.

    This is not something that all single moms think to do for their children whether they're boys or girls. So, to see you going out of your way to make sure he gets the male attention he craves and needs warms my heart. It reminds me a lot of my childhood and how other positive male figures stepped up to plate in the absence of my father. I can truly it made a big difference. Keep up the phenomenal parenting!

  2. I am glad God blessed you with the wisdom and understanding to recognize this on time kuddos to you mom

  3. That broke my heart for you. It had to be hard to hear your baby express that need in the most innocent way.

    You are a wonderful mom to him. You know that. You're even more wonderful for paying attention to his needs and doing something to fulfill those needs. Kudos to you!

  4. *hugs* I felt your emotion reading this post and as a mother of a son my biggest fear is him not having his father one day. When they told me I was having a boy, which I already thought I kept thinking what in the world would I do with a boy. My husband (his dad) is awesome with him and I don't forsee us ever divorcing, but sometimes I think about what would happen if he wasn't here anymore for whatever reason and it scares me. I'm happy that you're taking the initiative to give him what he needs even if it isn't the one who gave him half his DNA. My daddy wasn't always able to give me everything I needed, but there were so many other men in my life that it helped. It takes a village married, single, or otherwise :)

  5. You are a great mom. I can feel your heartbreak. Aiden will grow into a wonderful boy

  6. Oh, that breaks my heart too. I feel you. Aiden does need a father figure. I'm sure things will all work out. You're raising him well.

  7. Awww. This made me emotional. You won't girl. ;-)

  8. Awwww...Someone will come into both of your lives'.

  9. A, don't do that to yourself.

    SURE, Aiden may appreciate the time with your male friend and even long for someone to call daddy, but please try not to let that make you feel guilty in any way.

    You are his mother -- you're not the parent who chose to be what his other parent chose to be. You weren't toxic to the relationship. You're the good guy. You shouldn't claim all that guilt.

    Now. At the end of the day, I know that's easier said than done. My brother's father was never around and my mother felt guilty about it for years. And you know who my brother still blames to this day for his father's absence? My mother. Not because she was the reason, but because she always felt guilty, which made my brother subconsciously blame her. You really need to think about that.

    Aiden is going to grow up being a well-rounded young man and appreciate the role of a great parent even more. I've seen people take that and run with it -- it made them stronger and want MORE for themselves and their own children.

    And last but not least, if it makes you feel any better, Barack Obama's dad wasn't around either. I think he's done pretty well for himself.

  10. OMG Alicia, I teared up reading this post. You are an EXCELLENT mom and Aiden is so blessed to have you. I'm also happy that God is sending great male mentors in his life.

  11. You are already on the right track because you recognize what your son needs and are not fighting it. You're giving him the resources he wants and needs. You can't undo the past, but you can effect the future -- and you are!

  12. Sometimes biological dad being around can be the worse thing. This was the situation with my husband, he was around but not a great role model. Better to have someone positive come from the outside and be that positive role model. You are doing the right thing!

  13. *sigh* I teared up reading this. I have had a few moments like that. Like when other kids at school have said Daddy around Liam and then Liam ends up repeating it...but he's not even asking for his dad...smh. The fact that he may or may not realize his father isn't around hurts my feelings for the same reasons, but all we can do is focus on OUR parenting and being the best Moms we can be and having a positive support system for these kids :)

  14. I am sure that Aiden will eventually have a father figure in the home but for now you are allowing the interaction he needs with older men and you are a wonderful loving mother to him. It is that love that will continue to nurture and keep him balanced. I speak from experience.


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