Wednesday, February 26, 2014

From Likable to Lovable

When I got word that one of my mentors in my head, Ernst Cochy, was coming out with a book for single folks or single folks in a dating relationship, I couldn't wait to get my hands on it. The Guy and I decided to change our Facebook status to "in a relationship" a couple months ago (because, you know, that's what makes it officially "official") and, as you already know, I've got some work to do.

(So does he, but I only have control over my actions and my reactions, right? Right. But I digress.)

Enter the book.

From Likable to Lovable: Your Path to Finding True Love is like a warm, comforting hug from that cool older brother you've always wanted. I read it. Twice. In fact, I devoured it! Because, all throughout the book, Mr. Cochy shares stories, drops information, and kicks knowledge like it's nobody's business. And he does all of this while keeping it all the way real.

I learned so much from the book, but two things will particularly stick with me for a long time:

Stop operating from a place of fear.
"When you relate to people from a standpoint of fear, you focus primarily on yourself and on how you look in the other person's eyes... But when you relate to people from a standpoint of love, you focus mainly on the person to whom you are relating, and to their comfort, enjoyment, and well-being."

I've definitely been guilty of this in past, err, "situationships." It's pretty sad when I think about it though, because I never really showed them my true self. It was a persona of who I thought they wanted me to be.

I'm still learning how to let my guard down, communicate more effectively, and just show my true self to folks. (And by "folks," I mean "The Guy.") It's still a struggle that I try to work through on a daily basis, but reading that I'm operating from a place of fear -- and not love -- was eye-opening and was definitely a moment of revelation for me. 

Don't hide romantic relationships from friends and family. 
Perhaps I already knew this one deep down inside. I learned it the hard way with Aiden's other parent. When he and I first met, I didn't introduce him to any of my close friends or family members. Maybe deep down inside I was afraid that they'd tell me, "No girl, he ain't the one for you." Or "You in danger, girl" (name that reference!). But either way, I kept our relationship pretty much a secret.  (There I go operating from a place of fear again.)

In the book, Cochy lets us know the importance of introducing a potential partner to close friends and family members -- because they can discern if this person is a good catch for you or not. So far, I've introduced The Guy to my close friends and family, the pastor of my childhood church, my godparents, who are very much like parents to me, and other folks. And so far, he's gotten very good reviews. Score! 

There are so many more teachable moments in the book that my pencil and highlighter were on fire. (Yes, I still read actual books. No, I'm not an iPad or Kindle kind-of-girl. Yes, I still like the feeling of turning pages. Yes, I'm old-school like that.)

From Likable to Lovable is a true guide book for love. The belief of love and its power, the love of oneself, the love of others, the love of God. It teaches in a very casual way, almost as if you're having dinner with a older friend and he's sharing stories and lessons learned and been-there-done-that advice. If you're single and thinking about dating or if you're in a dating relationship, this is a really good book for you.

Head over to the website to order your copy. Read it. Twice. (You're welcome.) 

{Disclaimer: I was provided with a copy of From Likable to Lovable in order to facilitate this review. All opinions expressed herein are my own.}

1 comment:

  1. Relationships are crazy. i've been married for 11 years and we still have so much work to do. Stop operating from a place of fear. Woah! Good one. Really good one. I do that all the time. But I have a big mouth, I should out what I don't like immediately. Sometimes we fight over it, other times, he gets it and does what he knows I want him to (good job, hubs!)

    HA! I have the reference ( I LOVE MOVIES, so I never lose at these things). "Your in danger, girl" is from GHOST. Whoopi is warning Demi Moore! xx



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