Thursday, October 31, 2013

Domestic Violence Affects Everyone Involved

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month and I couldn't let the month come to a close without speaking on this issue.

More specifically, I've been thinking about who, exactly, is affected by intimate partner violence, be it physical, verbal, or emotional. No need to recount my own personal story of physical abuse from the hands of my ex because most of you have already heard it. (If not, check the link.) Heck, I still receive messages and emails in regards to that story from people who feel encouraged to share their story. Kudos.

But the statistics* are... frighteningly alarming.

One in four women (25%) will experience some form of domestic violence in her lifetime.  
Women account for 85% of the victims of domestic violence, while men account for approximately 15%. 
Women of all races are equally vulnerable to violence by an intimate partner. 
Domestic violence affects people regardless of income.
Nearly three out of four (74%) Americans personally know someone who is or has been a victim of domestic violence.  
Between 3.3 - 10 million children witness some form of domestic violence annually. 
And children learn what they see. Although Aiden did not witness the assaults, it could have been otherwise. And, honestly, it may have only been a matter of time...

This right here. This is what drove me to leave the toxic relationship, even above my own desire to lookout for my own safety and well-being. Parenting. And parenting effectively. As best as I know how.

Because this relationship, this parent-child dichotomy, is the first experience that Aiden will have with the world. This is where he will learn about love and tolerance and peace and acceptance. This is where he will learn about hatred and violence and dysfunctional love (that's not really love) and all the ugly things that my mind won't even let me think about right now. This is where he will learn how to love and how to handle situations effectively and how to deal with stress when the going gets tough.

This is why parenting -- down-and-dirty-and-put-the-kids'-best-interest-first parenting -- is so important.

And this... is why domestic violence affects everyone involved. Period.

The circle of domestic violence is smaller than we think. Don't be silenced. Speak on it. And speak often.

Statistics source.

{Originally published on October 26, 2011.}


  1. Wonderful blog post! You raise great points about how parents are the most important influences in a child's life. Very well said.

  2. I know all too well about domestic violence. I watched my mom go through it with her then boyfriend (not my dad). To this day mom still experience pain from certain areas of her body. Even the sweetest person can fall victim so easily because of how blind love could be. Some women want to feel as though they can fix situations and turn their relationship around and make it perfect. These men/women are sick or was brought up in house holds different from ours. What they see it what they consider normal in relationships.

    My daughter father was very verbally abusive. He never put his hands on me but he always threatened to do it. He knows I keep 911 on speed dial. He never approached me like that ever again. I made it clear that I will not tolerate his behavior, not now, not ever. (tears) We all experience abuse differently.

  3. Thanks for speaking up for those who've been silenced and for those who live in fear of saying something!

  4. You did a great thing for Aiden by removing him from a bad situation so that he'll have better role models, namely you!

  5. Love your blog! and thanks so much for speaking truth. I left my abusive partner for the sake of my children also.


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