|Life is better now..|
Sometimes I do regret staying as long as I did.
I wish I would have left sooner in order to begin living life to my fullest potential... sooner.
But I didn't. And I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I felt as though I wasn't worthy of something better -- That I wouldn't find Mr. Right because Mr. Right wouldn't want to date a single mother; That I was somehow damaged goods; that I wouldn't have been able to make it through grad school and land my dream job; that my options and choices had been severely limited.
My perception and thinking were flawed, my self-worth and self-esteem at an ultimate low point. But I knew deep down inside that, in order to experience something better (even if that meant being alone), I needed to let go of my current situation. I needed to get out. Fast.
When my relationship was finally over with Aiden's other parent, I felt a sigh of relief, as though I had dodged a bullet. But, I'll be honest, at first, the change wasn't easy.
Still, I pushed passed that uncomfortable feeling and embraced the change as best as I knew how. Something better is going to come, I'd tell myself everyday.
And slowly, but surely, I started to live life again. I spent time with friends. I learned how to be a single mother and a single woman. I dated. I finished grad school. I got a new job. (And an even better one on the way.) I lined up a couple freelance writing gigs. I went on vacations. I enjoyed trips and outings and single motherhood with Aiden.
And here I am, about 2 1/2 years later... better, stronger, wiser, healthier.
I still haven't found Mr. Right (yet), but I now know that it's not because I'm a single mother or damaged goods.
Too many of us are holding on to situations that are no longer serving a purpose in our lives; that are no longer tied to who we are supposed to become. Too many of us are afraid to let go of situations or leave because we are afraid that we won't find something similar (or better.)
But we've got to push pass those feelings. We have to take a leap of faith. Move. Let go. Believe in ourselves. And try harder. It doesn't have to be this way.
There's something better waiting for you on the other side of this. So go get it.