Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Is It Okay To Only Have One Child?


One day while I was at the beauty salon getting all dolled up, my Hair Dresser inquired about Aiden. She's met him on several different occasions and simply adores his spunky personality. So much so that each time I go in for a hair appointment, she asks about him. It's typically the usual questions ("How is he?"), comments ("He's speaking so clearly"), and exclamations ("I can't believe he's getting so big!").

Then the dreaded question - "So, when are you having another child?"

Hmmm.

My Hair Dresser knows that I am a single Mother so I told her that I have no plans to have another child any time soon. I also informed her that I'd like to continue with my career path (since I recently completed graduated school), meet someone, build a relationship with them, and then maybe try for another child. Maybe.

Her response? "That's so selfish of you! Having a second child is not for you, it's for Aiden! He needs someone to play with."

Hmmm.

Hold up. When did my reproductive decisions become an approved topic for "Beauty Parlor etiquette?" Is my reproductive decision an approved topic for "Beauty Parlor etiquette?"

Didn't think so.

The thing is, as any caring parent does, I want to be able to provide the best things in life for Aiden - a good education, a nice home, meaningful extra-curricular activities, lovely people in his entourage. All those things cost money, save for the lovely people in his entourage (but I'm beginning to think that even that costs money).



As a single Mother, sometimes that presents a challenge in and of itself because of the financial sacrifices that I must make. And, don't get me wrong, I don't mind making those sacrifices. At all.

But financial sacrifices aside, as much as I love being Aiden's Mother (and with all my heart, I do), it's really not enough. For me. I often hear women say that when they are at work, they are simply waiting for the time to pass until they can get home to be with their children. And I can agree with them, but only to a certain extent.

I love my job and when I'm at work, I love being at work. It's part of who I am and I wouldn't trade that. The idea of splitting my time at home between more than one child seems like the equivalent of tying one's shoelace without thumbs.

Not to mention that as a Mother, the worrying never ends. I don't think that I've slept soundly for theentire night since Aiden was... well, born. I wake up in the middle of the night all the time. If it's not to check up on him or to scare monsters away or to take him to the bathroom, it's because my mind won't let me stop thinking about the million and one things that I'll have to complete the next day. And the day after that. And the week after that. And the month after that.

It can be downright exhausting.

But it's not. Most of the time. And I feel that it's because I've learned how to manage my time with just one kid. He's happy, he's healthy, and he's blessed beyond measure. And I'm happy, healthy and blessed beyond measure too.

So... until the Love Gods look down on me in favor and all the stars align for Mr. Right and I to meet, greet, and fall in love, my cute little family of two will remain just that - a family of two.

At this moment in life, that's more than enough for us.

[Originally published on November 3, 2011.]



10 comments:

  1. Yep, i agree, i never stop thinking/worrying about my boys, even when they're sleep at night. lol, so true about not sleeping an entire restful night since he was born.

    With that said, when the timing and situation is right, i think a sibling would be awesome for Aiden. Of course he'd love it, and it also takes all the onus off of you, as parent, when the child has a playmate. Omg, Bryce & Chase entertaining each other during the weekends is our salvation!

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  2. I agree with you. After I had my daughter I was in no rush to have another baby. I wanted to take some time to see what how motherhood would be. I also wanted to figure out how to not lose myself as a parent and a woman. Now that my daughter is almost two and I've been able to start working on my own projects again I feel ready. Another baby would be great but it's certainly not a must.

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  3. IN MY OPINION, 1 CHILD, 2 OR 3 IS NOT THE QUESTION, SOME PEOPLE WAITED MANY YEARS TO START A FAMILY AND NEVER HAPPEN AND HAVING ONE IS ALREADY A BLESSING. BUT ON ANOTHER HAND MY SONS WERE TELLING ME ONCE THAT THEY COULDN'T IMAGINE WHAT LIFE WOULD BE WITHOUT ONE ANOTHER, THAT LIFE WOULD BE LONELY. SO, I GUESS IT IS MORE ON THE CHILD BUT THEN AGAIN NOT ALL CHILD FEELS THAT WAY I BELIEVE. ALICIA, YOU ARE SO INVOLVED IN YOUR CHILD'S LIFE, I DON'T SEE HIM MISSING ANYTHING LIKE A SIBLING. I THINK YOU GUYS ARE DOING GREAT AND YOU BOTH KNOW BEST :)

    KISSES FROM:
    A SMALL BLOG WITH A BIG HEART :)
    MRS JACK OF ALL TRADES DAILY where fashion and food collide!
    http://mrsjackofalltradesdaily.blogspot.com/

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  4. I've heard both sides of the debate. Ultimately I think it's up to the individual what she wants to do with her family. I'm always amazed at how openly people ask (or assume) someone will have another child. What if the parents are having fertility issues? What if they just don't want another one? No one else's business!

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  5. I think one is totally fine, i should've stopped at one ;)
    Xo Megan, TfDiaries.com

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  6. You know I am one of those women who obsess about their kids at work,but I do know that there is another side. It is totally okay to have only one child. Everyone has their own truth and a lot of times believe that if they have multiple kids, you should too.

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  7. We are thinking of being a family of three forever...of course everyone is like no he needs a sibling and he is not even here yet! People are going to talk..do
    You!!

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  8. I think your hairdresser meant well but was out of line. Was she advocating you become a single mother of more than one child? Now that just does not make sense no matter how you slice it.
    Good for you for knowing what you want and what makes sense for you.

    But I've learned in life to always keep an open mind, not about having additional children now, but down the road when there's a husband.

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  9. Well, I'm happy with one child too. I guess its up to you decide if you want to have more than one and it looks to me like you're doing just great! So why worry?!

    Have a lovely weekend!
    xx
    CrashingRED

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  10. Thank you for sharing this with all moms, regardless of whether you are a single mom or not. It is essentially up to the parent/parents to decide what works best for the entire family dynamics. People must be mindful for the fact that this may have been a mother's only chance at having a child. Always think to yourself that you do not know this person's history, you just never know. We must be considerate when making such comments such as "Your child needs a sibling" or "An only child will not how to share unless they have sisters & brothers". I've encountered such comments as well and I've opted to let it roll off my sleeves but in the years prior it seemed to be a bit bizarre, due to the fact that I was also a career woman/single mom. I've also notice that co-parents have shared this experience as well. At the end of the day, it is wise to do what works best for you and your family. Thank you for sharing. - Chantal

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