Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Dealing With The Breakup of Friendships

This past weekend, I found myself sitting in the spa with three other girls that I met in grad school. While relaxing in the jacuzzi, we were recounting stories of life, career moves, love and loss, and lessons learned. We were having a really good time, but I couldn't help but notice that just a year ago, we were mere acquaintances and classmates. And now, I have a standing bi-weekly dinner date with one of them where we usually unwind while cooking dinner and drinking wine in her Harlem apartment. Her name is K. K and I have become really cool and really close and I'm glad that I met her. 

It's funny how life works. 

And friendship? Even funnier. This week I met up with an old friend whom I've known for about 15 years, maybe more. We were supposed to go to an event together, but it didn't quite work out that way. Yet still, it was nice to see him and hear how he' doing, albeit briefly. After he and I said our "goodbyes" the other day, I started thinking about our entire circle of friends. In addition to him and me, there were about six or seven more of us and we were all like best friends. The group of us who grew up together and did so many things together -- sleepovers, day outings, shopping trips, vacations, you name it. And now, it's almost as if we're not even friends anymore. We haven't had a "falling out" or anything like that. I love them. All of them. It's just that... we've grown apart. 

Maybe it's because I was the first one to have a baby and "move out" on my own. 

Maybe it' because a couple of them are married and I'm single. 

Maybe it's because our growing pains shifted us to move in different directions. 

Maybe it's all of the above. And more. 

I once read a quote along the lines of, "People can have a spot in your heart and not have a place in your life." Although this quote is bittersweet, right now, it's proving to be true. The circle and I haven't officially "broken up" as friends, but our communication -- or lack thereof -- paints a different picture. 

As I said before, it's funny the way friendship works. 

How would you deal with the "breakup" of a friendship? 


  1. Oh breakups are never easy..especially with friends. I've seen the end of many friendships over the years, things happen, people change, people forget. I think honesty is really important. Being honest with your "friend" - it's so easy to get caught up in the drama and the bs and gossip, and too often we'd rather believe what others say than go to the source. And this is why many friendships end. Be honest and truthful and when it fizzles be happy it happened :)

  2. I've been having some of the same thoughts. It's funny how people I thought would be in my life forever are people I now barely speak to.

    1. Tell me about it, Cam. Life is cray in that way.

  3. It's not easy but just like with other break have to move on:-)

  4. Good post!!!

    Im a firm believer that folks enter our lives for a reason, season, or lifetime. Ive had many friendships that simply dissipated with time... not over beef or anything, but just a natural progression. It is sad and I sometimes think about those old homies.

    But I know me, and I just dont have the time/energy to maintain too many friendships, so I really think its best.... My best friends are my sister and my husband, and that's all I really need.

  5. Great post. I definitely have been having those issues with a few friends lately. I fee like my friendship is really one sided but we haven't officially broke up yet.

  6. I've definitely lost touch with some close friends, but I've gained some I can't complain!

  7. I totally agree with this post. Unfortunately some relationships are only for a period of time, you enjoy it, learn, grow and move on. The funny thing is sometimes you may not even realize that moved on. Such is life.

  8. I think all relationships are hard to maintain long term and take a tremendous amount of effort. I think friends drift apart bc we're focused on the relationships with ourselves, significant others, and family. The best friends are the ones you can pick up with after any given time and nothing has changed.

    1. Totally agree! I have about three of four friends like this. And it's priceless.


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