Thursday, May 5, 2011

Domestic Violence Almost Always Happens Again


I thought long and hard before hitting the "PUBLISH POST" button when I wrote about my experience with domestic violence. I really did. I wondered what readers would think of my and how people would judge me based on it. 

But what actually pushed me to publish the post transcended my doubts and fears. It was the thought of helping someone -- anyone -- who may be experiencing what I already went through. And conquered. The fact of the matter is that "Nearly three out of four (74%) of Americans personally know someone who is or has been a victim of Domestic Violence" (Stat source). And yet, no one talks openly about it. 

So I figured... It's time to talk. Period. The more we talk, the less the topic is stigmatized, and the more we can empower the victims to become survivors. Period. 

And it's okay to let those who may be going through it know that they may be feeling many different things all at once. I know that's how I felt. 

I was in too deep and I couldn’t even see my way out. Not that the physical abuse happened everyday, but isn’t once enough?

It got to the point where I couldn’t recognize myself anymore. I was so far gone. So out there. I didn’t know how to find my way back to myself. I thought of leaving. I really did. Everyday after the first incident. But something kept me. Fear, maybe. Sometimes love is so blind, it feels right when it’s wrong. #Beyonce 

He tried to be Mr. Right after the first incident. And I tried to believe him. But the inner Alicia was saying “No… something’s not right.” I silenced her by thinking, “But he’s going to counseling for his issues.” Then he terminated prematurely. No more counseling. No what? The inner Alicia started to speak louder, but I still didn’t listen.

I was so tangled and confused and living in passion and lust and not-at-all Alicia. But that’s the thing about passion – when it’s good, it’s great. But then it gets bad. So bad. It burns hard and fast and … out.

Then… it happened again. The abuse. Suddenly, all of his begging and crying and pleading and counseling sessions meant nothing. Nothing at all. Because it happened again.

That's when the inner Alicia started to scream. And I, I finally began to recognize her high-pitched, sweet sounding, melodies-to-my-ear voice.

And just like that, I was done.

I’d found my way back to me. And it felt good. Oh-so-good.

17 comments:

  1. *hugs* great post Alicia. I am SO glad you posted about your experience, you're right...Domestic Violence doesn't get enough of a voice when it NEEDS it.

    I admire you so, SO very much. You're a remarkable, amazing woman. I'm proud of you, and I look up to you!

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  2. Thanks for sharing. This is all too real for many women.

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  3. I too am very proud of you and your courage and faith that lead you to know that enough was enough......I also suffered Domestic abuse and at a verrry young age at that...I hardly ever open up abt that time in my life...but I def do remember it...if I learned anything from it it would be that "Everything that happens once can never happen again. But everything that happens twice will surely happen a third time".

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  4. wow! and thanks for sharing. You really took me on a journey with you and now I can understand why some of my patient's choose to stay. Sometimes I am confused as to why they wouldn't just run for the children's sake or their pregnancy and they will say "well he don't mess around with the kids." thanks again and I'm proud of u for leaving.

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  5. **applause**

    I only just met you, and already I can tell you are an amazing inspiration!!

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  6. Thank you for sharing your story. *hugs*

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  7. I know what it is like to silence my inner voice. I'm so glad you have found yours. Happy Mother's Day!

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  8. That must have taking everything in you to post but it shows that you are a strong woman and perhaps your story can help someone else! Have a great mother's day!

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  9. Great post! Wow! You're blog has come along so much...I havent been on here in a while. GREAT job!!

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  10. this is an important topic and i am glad that you are talking about it...Happy Mama's Day!

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  11. You are such an inspiration. And yes, not enough women talk about their experience with domestic violence and suffer in silence. You have probably already helped so many people with your bravery to share your story.

    Happy Mother's Day!

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  12. I'm so glad that you made it okay to talk about this openly. I bet so many other women have hesitated as well, but your using social media to bring it out is brave and so important!

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  13. Informative! I'm not use to your postings sounding like mine. Hugs. It is a serious topic, and you are right many people don't talk about it. My husband didn't! His family turned a death-ear to his plea, therefore, for years he suffered in silence. He wasn't abused physically but he was abused mentally . . . apparently he was just a shell of a person after his divorce. Unfortunately, he won't go to counseling, several of my friends feel he abuse me when he fail to help around the house and etc. Perhaps! Not sure! But he has so many other qualities that surpasses his lack of willingness to do house chores, therefore, I overlook certain things in exchange of knowing we all have short comings and believe without a doubt that no one person is perfect.

    Sadly, his ex-wife is emotionally abusive to their children. And has manipulated all circumstances concerning her children, their children, that he can't, we can't help them.

    Happy Mother's Day!

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  14. And aren't we glad you heard that voice.

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  15. I'm so glad you've found your voice and I'm sure you are helping someone else by talking about this. Bravo my friend! :)

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  16. I am so proud of you for speaking out and finding your voice! You are so amazing! Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise!

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  17. Kudos to you for getting out and recognizing that things weren't going to change. Also, thank you for sharing your story because I am sure there is someone reading this who is in the exact same situation you were in and needed this push to get out of their toxic relationship.

    I can't tell you enough how much I admire your strength not only as a mom but as a woman in general.

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I love reading what you have to say!

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