Thursday, February 24, 2011

On Denial. And Growth. And Love.

A few weeks ago, Aiden began his first drop-off swimming class and he's been super excited to get to the pool on his swimming days. At his last class, I was able to take this shot of him:

There he is. The child that I didn't plan to have in my early 20's. Happy, healthy, smiling, swimming.

This picture brought me back to a post that I wrote back a few months ago. Man, was I in denial when I first found out that I was preggo! But life, love, and Motherhood has a way of changing things -- for the better.

Take a look back with me, will you? You'll either laugh, cry, or pity me for living in denial lane for so long. Take your pick.

And then, take a look at me now. And my son. The son that I can not imagine my life without. Love. Sweet love. After all, this is what Mommy Delicious is all about -- finding the sweetness in situations and life, even if they happen unexpectedly.

To say that my pregnancy was unplanned is an understatement. A huge one. I totally and completely, with every fiber of my being, didNOT plan to have a baby at my young age.

I mean, I knew it could happen because I was doing the deed and not taking precautions for it not to happen, but... I just didn't expect it to happen. To me.

At the first sign that I was pregnant when little miss flow did not make her special appearance, I was in denial. I just didn't believe it. I mean, it couldn't happen to ME, right?

At the second sign that I was pregnant when I was hovering over the toilet bowl at 5am throwing up what felt like all of my insides, I was still in denial. I chalked it up to the bad Mexican food that I ate the night before.

The third sign came a few days later. As I sat on the toilet and starred down at the positive sign on the pregnancy test, I was like DAMN! But I was still a bit in denial. I mean, it could have been a false positive, right?

So I went to see my GYN. And she tested me to see if I was pregnant. And I was. But of course. As I laid on the examination table for the first sonogram, she said, "There it is. That's your baby."

My most immediate thoughts: mother eff!! OMG!!! Sh#t!! Aww f#$*!!!

Then, with tears in my eyes, I thought, "Is that my baby? Am I going to be a mother?!"

Then the fear sank in. Along with some more less-than-appropriate words. Sh#t!! How am I gonna DO this? How am I gonna tell people? What about my life? What will others say?

I resented my pregnancy A LOT. In fact, I kept it a secret for about 5 1/2 months. Really. The only people who knew about it were my Ob/gyn, the father-to-be, and me. Really. It took me along time to muster up the courage to tell people. And sport my baby bump as proudly as I could.

As I wrote in a previous post, I still loved my unborn child. But maybe if I got to live and experience life a little more, I wouldn't have resented my pregnancy as much... maybe if I wasn't so ashamed that I wasn't yet married... maybe if I didn't pay attention to the stares and looks of pity from people... maybe if I wasn't so concerned with what others would say or think. Maybe, just maybe, I would have actually been able to -- GASP! -- enjoy my pregnancy.

But, at some point during my pregnancy, I decided that this WAS my life. And I decided that I was going to make LOVE be the driving force behind everything that I did for my unborn child. And after he came into this world.

So I decided to do right by him. I went to all my doctors appointments, read all the books and magazines, went to the birthing classes, ate right, exercised, and took a tour of the hospital. 
I was determined to give this baby the best gosh darn life that I possibly could. 
And I have.
And I am.



  1. It is such an honor to know you! You are amazing my friend, not many girls can see this at such a young age. Your little boy is lucky to have a strong, intelligent and loving mother (who also happens to be gorgeous too)!

  2. Beautiful!! Aiden is a wonderful little man (and by actually - finally! - meeting him this morning, I feel like I can honestly say that!) And you are an amazing mother to him. I truly believe that we are never given more than we can handle. I think it's wonderful that you are sharing your story so honestly!! (PS - about to go send you the pics right now!!)

  3. Thank you for sharing your honest post. What a blessing you both are to each other :)

  4. It's been amazing to watch your growth & have another young mom to relate to.

  5. OMG... I am sitting in my last class for the night, smiling from ear to ear because i can truly relate. I found out I was pregnant at 19 and I also kept it a secret for about 4 months because i thought my mother was going to KILL me, but my boyfriend took it upon himself to tell her ( still smh) I cried many nights not knowing how I was going to raise my unborn son, BUT I am doing it, working full time, going to school full time and being a mommy! I don't regret one moment of motherhood though...I am now 23 and my son will be 3 in June...i love love love him. Thank you for your post and MommyDelicious...
    P.S. Do you recommend the swimming class that your son is in? if so please share ( if you don't mind) @dominique_g_

  6. @Dominique: YES! I absolutely recommend it! I tried to email you, but it came back as undeliverable. Please email me if you want more info:

  7. Oh wow! This was awesome, I also read your post over on My Brown Baby. You are an inspiration, and your positivity is contagious. You never let the title of Single mom define you, and I adore you for that. I wish more would do the same. You totally rock!

  8. Alicia, he looks so happy! MELT!!

  9. "Finding the sweetness in situations and life, even if they happen unexpectedly." LOVE it! You are certainly accomplishing that!

  10. Denial is a hard thing to shake. I was in denial when I got pregnant at 17 and again at 18 and it was hard. But like you said you have to make Love the driving force behind everything you do.

  11. Like I said in the guest post of yours I just commented on, YOU'RE AWESOME!

  12. my God...sounds just like the feeling I was dealing with when pregnant with my son @ 21! Yowzers! :) Glad we decided mommyhood!


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