Tuesday, October 4, 2016

So... We're In Family Therapy

via google
The past year-and-a-half has been filled with ups and downs, trials and triumphs, stresses and some successes. Especially where it pertains to Aiden. He's had a lot of challenges to deal with -- from the resurfacing of his "other" parent, meeting with the child attorney, supervised visitation with his "other" parent at Safe Horizon, custody hearings, unsupervised visits, a new baby, a new title as a big brother, and... and... and...

He's been acting out. He's been trying to find a sense of control in a world that he can't control. Behaviorally, he's regressed, at times. He'll have streaks of really great weeks and streaks of not-so-great weeks.

Ups and downs.

Trials and triumphs.

Stresses and some successes.

It's been hard, to say the least. For the both of us, if I could be completely honest.

And while I've been trying to help him feel worthy and loved and successful and cared for in the midst of turmoil, while I've been trying to be the one constant that he has in the midst of confusion, while I've been trying to muster up the strength to keep on fighting for him until he's fully thriving... it's been hard.

I'm still trying though.

I'm meeting with his teachers, school psychologist, and principal. We're making plans for him and re-evaluating the plans that are already in place. I'm talking to him about school and, even though he doesn't like it all the time, reiterating that it's important. I'm texting and calling and checking in with him throughout the day. I'm giving him small goals to meet every day, every few days, and every week. I'm celebrating him when he's successful. I'm talking to him when he makes bad choices. I'm trying to consistently hold him accountable for his actions and let him see how his actions affects those around him (at home and at school).

But... it's a lot. And it's been hard.

Exhausting at times.

Overwhelming at times.

And, quite frankly, this ish is above my pay grade.

And so.

I'm vulnerable enough (and smart enough?) to recognize when I need help. And not just venting-to-my-homegirl-during-Friday-night-happy-hour-or-Saturday-afternoon-brunch help.

But professional help.

Co-parenting had failed. Miserably. But, I've said this before: I've got to put things in place so that Aiden can deal with this loss or this void or this... stuff in an effective way.

So last month, I called my insurance, got recommendations for family therapists, interviewed a couple of them, and picked one that my soul attached to. It's been a few weeks that she's seen Aiden and me so far, and I've got to say... I shoulda thought of this sooner!

The great thing about kids is that they are exactly who they are, no matter who is around them. So she gets to see exactly who Aiden is and exactly how he acts when he's upset or uncomfortable or frustrated. And she's been very helpful in giving him tips (and me tips!) that'll help him thrive.

The scars are still there. The stuff is still there. But now we can focus on how to deal with it all. And how to heal.

After all, that's the goal, right?

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