An old girlfriend of mine was in town last week and came to visit me. In the midst of laughter and drumming up dope ideas, dreams, and our next steps, we started talking about love and life, work and relationships, single motherhood and what it means to create a village to help us raise our little boys.
I said something to her that I hadn't really said to anyone in a long time. Since this school year started, I've either been kicking ass at work or kicking ass at motherhood. But not both, consistently, and at the same time.
It's either been one or the other.
And I've come to terms with that. I've come to realize that that's what "balance" and "having it all" really means in my life.
You see, people see the success, but they don't really "get" what's behind it. They see the glory, but they don't know the story. They see the hits, but forget that there are so many misses. But that's all that I've wanted to do in this here place and space — share what goes on behind the scenes. Talk to you about the no's that I've received and the misses and the times that I've failed. Help you see what goes on behind the success. Because that's what makes my victories oh so sweet.
Our entire conversation reminded me of this post. Behind the Success. Because so much goes on behind the success.
Behind The Success
Originally published on April 12, 2013
Just last week I was receiving congratulatory notes and virtual high-fives for climbing my career ladder and accepting a new job offer. I'm grateful for the nods and acknowledgements, and I'm grateful for the opportunity to advance.
I worked hard for it and I'm relishing in it. All of it.
But while I'm still saying "Thank you" to those who are congratulating
me, I can't help but to think of all the hard work, efforts, mishaps,
failures, and re-do's that's behind the success.
I can't help but to think of all the sacrifices and compromises and
trade-offs that I had to make in order to achieve the success.
I can't help but to think of all the times when I hired a babysitter to drop Aiden off to school and pick him up from school because I had an early morning meeting and had to stay late into the evening (how's that for "leaning in"?)
I can't help but to think of all the times I had a ton of work to do and
the knot on the right side of my neck was proof that I was not happy
about it. (Feeling stressed literally causes a pain in my neck.)
I can't help but to think of the times I just wanted to go home to rest
on a Friday night (not spend time with friends, which, if you know me at
all, is kind of a big deal). And all because I felt as though I'd just
survived the longest. week. ever.
I can't help but to think about all the times I got a coffee on my way
home from work just because I wanted to make sure that I had enough
energy to give to my precious son that I'd given to my precious work all
I can't help but to think about all the times I fell asleep on the couch while trying to meet a deadline.
I can't help but to think of all the times that days, weeks, an entire
month kicked my ass with the demands of work and motherhood and dreams
and goals and... life.
I can't help but to think of all the times I pushed myself to get to this very place where I am right now.
Was it easy?
No. Not at all.
Because behind the success are mountains to be climbed and battles to be
won and problems to be solved and strongholds to be loosed from. Behind
the success are tears and fears and doubts and... finding the strength
and bravery to push pass those feelings.
So it wasn't easy. Anything worth having is not going to come easy. But is it worth it?