Friday, August 14, 2015

Baby Talk

Aiden's had a lot of questions and comments about Baby Delicious and his soon-to-be "big brother" status. Naturally. Some have been hilarious, some a little morbid, all pretty interesting. I've been trying to record them because they're too good not to remember.

Here's what I have so far:

Aiden: I'm gonna push your stomach all the way in to see if it goes down.
Me: Why?!
Aiden: Because... it used to be skinny last year!

Aiden: What should we name the baby?
Me: I want a name that starts with "A".
Aiden: The letter A? Okay. Allister. Or Alex. Yes, yes, yes... definitely Alex! Or Amy or Ally.
Me: Aiden... I'm still thinking of a name. I'll let you know when I have one, but I'll keep those in mind.

We. We?! Umm... we are not having a baby. I am having a baby and I will be picking a name for the baby. LOL.

Aiden: What are we gonna do when it's time for the baby to come out? How are we gonna get to the hospital?
Me: I dunno. What do you think we should do?
Aiden: Maybe just go downstairs and tell Mike (our building's doorman).
Me: We could take a taxi to the hospital. That's what I did when it was time for you to come out.
Aiden: But... but.. what if it really hurts and you're in a lot of pain?! What are we gonna do?!

Aiden: You know that everything you eat, the baby is eating too, right? Like there's a tube in your stomach that's connecting to the baby's stomach and all the food goes to the baby's tummy.
Me: How'd you learn that? Who taught you that?!
Aiden: *shrugs* I just know.

Aiden: Mommy, how does the doctor take the baby out of your stomach? Is there like a hole in your stomach or something?
Me: No. There's a hole in my vagina and the baby comes out through there.
Aiden: What?! But, like, how does the doctor fix it back afterwards?
Me: Fix my vagina?!
Aiden: Yeah.
Me: It just fixes itself. The female body is amazing like that.

Aiden: Is that salad good for the baby?
Me: Yes.
Aiden: Good. Then you should have the special sauce with it too.
Me: You mean, the Italian dressing? Okay.

Aiden: What happens to a mommy if a baby dies in the mommy's stomach?
Me: Well... I guess it depends. But the doctor will try to save the mommy after helping the mommy take the baby out.
Aiden: But... does the mommy die too?
Me: Hopefully not.
Aiden: I don't want you to die, mommy.

At which point I had to explain to him that both Baby Delicious and I are good and fit and healthy.

Aiden: Is that workout video for people with babies in their bellies?
Me: Why?
Aiden: Because that lady in the video has a fat tummy just like yours.

Aiden: If that baby is a girl, I'm gonna scream for my life! But if it's a boy, I won't scream.
Me: Why?
Aiden: Because... I need a boy to play with. I can't play with a girl.

Aiden: Ooh, ooh, ooh... I know what we should name the baby!
Me: What?
Aiden: Tootsie!
Me: Umm... let's keep thinking about it.

I think he's gonna be a great big brother.


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