I Got A Promotion

It was all a dream....

This will be filed under: Black women belong everywhere. I've been selected as the next Elementary School Principal of Achievement First North Brooklyn Prep. 

*hits the dougie*

This promotion comes after 10+ years in the game as a school leader and as a school teacher. After years and years of helping kids fall in love with learning by making school fun and magical and exciting for them. 

After years and years of leading teams with top test scores in the entire state (some years in the top 20, some years in the top 10, and some years in the top 5 for various tests). Where this led to my schools being in the top 1% of the entire state. 

After years and years of transforming different staff cultures across various networks, leading to teachers feeling more happy and valued at work. 

After years and years of transforming the student experience so that FUN is front and center of our school. Because that matters. A lot.

After three years at my current network. After I spearheaded turning around my K-2 team at one school in my network by taking us from essentially the bottom of the network to the top while making school fun for our kids. Because that matters. A lot. 

After leading the charge on revamping the lower school math curriculum. Not just my current school, but for our entire network of schools (across three states). And leading math professional development days for all the lower school leaders in the entire network.

After not even blinking when the powers that be asked me to go to another school in our network that was also in turnaround. And after taking another team to the top of the network.

Again. 

Another again.

During a whole pandemic. 

While making school fun for kids and teachers. Because that matters. A lot. 

But, as they say, some seasons are for sowing seeds and some seasons are for reaping. I'm grateful that I get to be in a season of reaping what I've sown.

One day I'm gonna write a full post about the "twice as good to get half as far" phenomenon. Because: racism. 

And about how white supremacy is one helluva drug that leads to internalized racism and self-hatred. And how it caused another Black woman in a position of power to make slanderous remarks about me and cause harm to me because she was scared and threatened and probably felt as though there was only room at the top for one of us. 

And how it almost cost me the promotion. 

Almost. 

But my work speaks for itself. And my work ethic is unmatched. And people just ended up regretting underestimating me. 

If you don't know, now you know...

(He never said the weapons wouldn't form; He said they wouldn't prosper.)

Not to mention that trashy people are just that: trash. And the amount of women (including Black women and other women of color) who rallied around me and wrapped me in love and light? Those are my people. 

One day, I'll write about it. 

But today? We celebrate.

when your whole school plans a surprise engagement for you...

Now we sip champagne when we thirsty...

I'm humbled by God's grace, honored by this opportunity, and excited to do the damn thing! 

I can't wait to hire more staff that look like the kids and families we'll serve.

I can't wait to create a school where Black and brown kids feel safe to take up space and walk in their fullness. 

I can't wait to create a school that's joyful and engaging and academically captivating... where our Black and brown babies feel loved and cared for. 

I can't wait to create a school that I'd send my own kids to... a school that I needed when I was a kid. 

Listen... they ain't even ready for all this #BlackGirlMagic that's about to takeover.

But I am.

Matter of fact: I been ready.

Podcasting On Dating, Relationships, and Love

All this time, I thought I was only interested in writing... blogging... communicating online. So when I was invited to be interviewed on DRL Dating, Relationships, and Love with Tennesha Wood, I hesitated.

Naturally.

I thought, What can I possibly say to a young, single mother that I didn't already write in a blog post?

And... What if I don't have anything to say? What if I suck at this whole 'talking-it-out' thing?

And when Tennesha told me that she doesn't provide guests with questions in advance, I was thisclose to canceling.

Word up!

But I stopped myself from sabotaging myself, I got out of my own way, I acknowledged my fears and insecurities... And I did it anyway.

And you know what?

It was so much fun!

Over amaretto sours, Tennesha and I chatted about so much! How I thought I was at the top of my game at 22 having graduated from Columbia, landed a job, and lived in a hip Brooklyn neighborhood. (Man... 22-year-olds think they know e'rything! I didn't know nothing!) How I got pregnant and hit rock bottom. But most importantly, how I picked up the pieces, started dating as a single mother, and became known as Mommy Delicious.

I also talked about a few things that I've never shared here before, like how I found out Aiden's other parent was cheating on me (hint: Myspace was involved) and I dropped a few gems as well about how to maintain your sanity and sense of self as a single momma tryna find her own way and raise healthy babies.

Turns out, I don't only like writing and blogging on the Internets. I like talking too! And I don't suck at it. At all.

Check out Dear Mama, the latest podcast on DRL Dating, Relationships, and Love with Tennesha Wood featuring yours truly! You will laugh, you might get angry (in solidarity with ya girl!), and you will feel inspired.

Oh, and tell a friend to tell a friend!

Persevering As A Student-Parent

It was three weeks before graduation and I had a 25-page paper due by 1 p.m. the next day for my Family As A Context For Child Development class. I absolutely loved this class and learned so much in it. But I was done. Overdone. And I was tired. Over tired. And I just wanted to graduate.

But first I'd have to get through this paper and a few other long assignments, presentations, and finals. That night, after I tucked Aiden in bed at 8 p.m., I cried. No scratch that. I sobbed. A lot. Uncontrollably.  The overwhelming workload and overall stress of being a student momma had gotten to me.

I did the only thing that I knew to do in order to keep my sanity when working out and eating well and staying hydrated with lots of water didn't work. I meditated.... on success and hard work and how far I'd come up until that point.

I graduated from Columbia University with a B.A. in Psychology in 2006 and was pretty well employed. But I decided to go to grad school because I wanted more. More opportunities. More career choices. More money. The things you can do with a Bachelor degree are great, but the things you can do with a Masters degree are phenomenal. At least that's what I thought. And still think.

When I applied for grad school, I made a commitment to Aiden and myself that I was going to see it through come heck or high water. I adopted a "whatever it takes" mentality, and believe you me, it took a lot. 

Head over to The Young Mommy Life to read the rest of this post, particularly how this busy single momma embraced the beauty of perseverance. 

This post was originally published on July 28, 2011. And it still gives me shivers every time I read it. Whew... I can't believe I did it. 

On Exhaling. Finally.

For the past ten months or so I've been waking up around 3am every night and finding myself unable to fall back asleep. I had a lot on my brain. Aiden's other parent resurfaced and, although I got a temporary restraining order, things started to turn upside down as we went through the family court system, him seeking an equal visitation schedule and me seeking a way to keep Aiden's life as normal, safe, and intact as possible.

I had a lot on my brain. And I worried.

I worried about his motives for wanting to visit with Aiden, I worried about Aiden's reaction to the visits, and, most importantly, I worried about Aiden's safety during the visits.

I got an attorney who specializes in the family court system and works with victims of domestic violence. She's been knowledgable, caring, and downright kick-ass throughout the entire process, but one the first things she advised me to do -- or not do -- was blog. At least while my case was still in litigation. Her reasoning was that I wouldn't want Aiden's other parent to potentially find my blog and attempt to use it as ammunition against me while we were in court.

It was hard to take that advice. Very hard. Because this place and space has become an outlet for the trials and triumphs and growing pains of single motherhood. This community -- and letting it all out -- has been my saving grace in so many ways.

I've written so many posts over the past ten months. But as I went to hit the "publish" button, all I kept thinking was that he could potentially use any topic against me if he were desperate enough. If I wrote about my relationship with HEB, he could use it to say I'm exposing Aiden to the men I date. If I wrote about the growing pains of single motherhood, he could say that I'm stressed and overwhelmed. (Newsflash: Any parent who is doing this thing "right" would totally be overwhelmed and stressed at one point or another. Comes with the territory.) If I wrote about personal style or fashion or events around the city, it could be perceived as though I'm exploiting Aiden for page views.

Any topic had the potential of being misconstrued. So, for the most part, I've stayed silent.

It was especially hard for me to feel like he was taking yet another thing away from me. But I built this blog up and I knew that I could rebuild it if necessary. A small price to pay for Aiden's life and wellbeing.

I like to think of myself as a warrior and not so much of a worrier. I tend not to dwell on things that much. Instead I pray about it, put it into perspective, and let it go.

But not this time. Not by a long shot.

Instead I'd wake up at 3am and think about the ifs, ands, or buts of the situation. My mind would race to the worst case scenario and I'd try to think about how I'd respond to it... if it were to actually happen. I tried to fall back asleep to no avail. I tried walking it out or working out whenever I felt my anxiety starting to rise, but to no avail.

It's hard to stay calm, cool, and collected when it comes to the well-being of your child.

Very hard.

But I stayed the course. I met with my lawyer in between court dates to strategize, discuss next steps, vent, and cry it out. I took off of work as often as necessary in order to make it to all of my court dates. I provided the court with all the documentations that they requested in a timely manner. I took Aiden out of his extracurricular activities to make sure that he was on time to all of his scheduled supervised visits -- even if his other parent didn't show up. I kept Aiden's appointments whenever he had to meet with his attorney. (Yes, children are given lawyers when it comes to situations like this.) I didn't coach Aiden on what to say before any of his meetings with his lawyer or case worker.

But, most importantly, I stuck to what I believed in and what I believed was right for Aiden. Even when I felt like giving up. Even when I felt like throwing in the towel.

I fought.

Hard.

For Aiden's best interest.

A few nights ago, I woke up around 3:30 in the morning and I cried. (Sobbed, really.) But this time it was to cry tears of joy. And tears of I-can't-believe-I-was-strong-enough-and-patient-enough-to-see-this-thing-through. I hadn't cried like that since I first sat down with my lawyer's intake coordinator to tell my story. I'm sure somewhere in my file reads "hot mess express."

But last week, everything changed as the case was settled. I was awarded with sole physical and legal custody of Aiden, Aiden and I were I were granted a permanent restraining order, and, in an attempt to keep Aiden's life as intact -- and safe! -- as possible, Aiden's visitation schedule with him will be limited.

I really couldn't have asked for a better turnout. Someone must've been praying for me. For us. And God really made this entire situation work out in Aiden's favor. For that, I am eternally grateful.

Onward.

{Relationship Stories} On Learning to Be Loved. For Real This Time.

We're sitting on my living room couch on a Sunday evening talking about how much we like each other, the fun we have when we're together, and where we want this thing to do.

He, Hazel Eyes Babe (HEB) and I.

It's a couple weeks after our weekend trip to Atlanta and things have been good between us since coming back from the trip. Like really, really good. I still have a crush on him, and get butterflies and jitters whenever I know we're gonna see each other and we're in really strong like.

He asks me to be his girlfriend and I say, "Yes."

This is the beginning. Of something good. Of me learning that I deserve to be loved. Of me learning how to accept love. For real this time.

Not gonna lie, I went into my relationship with HEB kicking and screaming. Kinda. Sorta. Not because I didn't like him and think he'd be a great boyfriend. I did. And he is.

I wanted it, but I was scared. Kinda. Sorta. 

I wanted it, but I hesitated. I wanted it, but I was full of "what-ifs." I wanted it -- really badly -- but I was choosing fear over faith. Fear over love and healing and all things whole.

I wanted it, but I was kicking and screaming and fronting with my I'm-a-tough-girl-and-I-got-this pose.

But he.

He saw right through it and loved me with patience and kindness and all things whole. HEB always jokes about how he attributes the fact that we're even in a relationship to his persistance and perseverance, and I can't even lie -- it's true. Kinda. Sorta.

Being in a relationship with him forced me to do some heart-work, soul-work, and mind-work. Because I'm learning that I can't be happy with a closed-off heart. I'm learning how to open up my heart, how to have the strength to be vulnerable, and most importantly, how to do both of these things gracefully.

Because that's important.

I'm learning that the ghosts of my relationship's past don't need to affect my relationship's present. Or future. That my life history -- and my romantic history -- don't define me and shouldn't confine me. Not anymore. Not this time.

I won't put HEB on a pedestal or anything -- that kind of exaltation is only reserved for God. Matter of fact, he's far from perfect. He's sloppy and sometimes annoying and sometimes doesn't catch on to a joke fast enough. Which sometimes makes it very, very hard to crack inside jokes with him. (And that's something that I really, really love to do.)

He minimizes things that are a big deal to me. Sometimes. He's stubborn as hell. Sometimes. And he downright gets on my last nerve. Sometimes.

But he's caring and kind and loves patiently. And he challenges me to try to be better at this whole relationship thing. Most of the time.

And that's all I could really ask for.

And so.

Instead of kicking and screaming and fronting with my I'm-a-tough-girl-and-I-got-this pose, I'm deciding to look in the mirror, work on my heart and my soul and myself and embrace the love that I deserve.

For real this time. 

Your Gifts Are There for You to Use Them

There's this thing about setting out to inspire young women and single mothers (and even "coupled up" mothers) to walk by faith, work hard, go get their dreams, and do the damn thing.

It's this: sometimes you don't feel that inspirational. Sometimes you don't feel like you're walking by faith, like you're working hard, like you're going after your dreams, like you're doing the damn thing.

Let me personalize this a lil bit. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm walking by faith. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm working hard. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm going after my dreams and defining success on my own terms and doing the damn thing. Sometimes, I just don't.

I'm human. It happens.

And by "sometimes," I mean "these past few weeks." And it's really, really hard to put on a happy face, push pass the stuff and the muck and the mess that life throws at you, and, well, share a story (or two) that'll bring inspiration to a mother (or two).

But something challenged me the other day. Sometime kinda shock me to the core the other day. And, in the process, reminded me why I do this work. Why I write this blog. Why I continue to share my stories. Why I push pass the stuff and the muck and the mess that life throws at me and share my story. Even when I don't feel like it. Even when I'm waiting on that expiration date. (Check the January 22nd Facebook post, if you don't know what I'm talking about.)

The bottom line is this: it's more than being just about me. I've gone through many things in my life; I've had many trials and triumphs, successes and lessons learned. I've hit rock bottom. I've failed. I've cried. Over and over again. But I've always had a little more faith, and a little more fight.

And so. I've been blessed enough to spread some resilience on this here place and space.

Because... it's about us, the collective. It's about using my gifts and sharing my stories to try to inspire other folks. It's about trying to play a small role in helping all of us "make it," whatever that may mean.

That's exactly what my girl, Tara did when she penned her new book, "The Good Life: Pep Talks for Solopreneurs," which is now available on Amazon!

The book chronicles the ups and downs, ins and outs, nuts and bolts about "making it" as an entrepreneur. I've got a full time day job, but I still had to get me some of the goodness. Because, as Tara put it:

If you have a side hustle you hope to make your main hustle, this book is for you.

If you have already launched your business but are struggling daily with self-doubt and fear, this book is for you.

If you need tips on managing your thriving business life with your thriving personal life, this book is for you.

The book just dropped this week and I've already started reading it. And, in short... I'm loving it. Tara writes openly and honestly about what it truly means to make lemon out of lemonade and take on the challenge of being her own boss after being let go from her full time job. She also lets us know that it's not all peaches and cream when you're your own boss because you have to face many dark days and many unknowns.

The book is the epitome of my motto for this year: start where you are, using what you have, and walk by faith.

Visit the website to go get you some of the goodness! (You're welcome.)

{I was not compensated for this post. I just love sharing dope ish for dope people.}

We Made The List! Hello Beautiful Mommy Blogs to Follow

Last week, Hello Beautiful came out with their list of the top ten Mommy Bloggers to follow and Mommy Delicious made the list!

Radical!

From the Hello Beautiful site,

Mommy bloggers cover the gamut from fashion to lifestyle, posting as often about stilettos as they do strollers. For Moms who want to provide the best life for their children while still indulging in their love of fashion and beauty, look no further than our favorite Mommy blogs. Check out our top 10 in the slideshow...

Cool, right?!

Head on over to the Hello Beautiful website to see what they had to say about the Mommy Delicious community and how inspirational it is.

Also, show some love by sharing it on your social media channels, liking Mommy Delicious on Facebook, following Mommy Delicious on Twitter, or hanging out on Instagram!

Cheers!

Hanging with Wendy Williams and Styling with Burlington

Photo via The Moms

Last week, I had the privilege of joining The MOMS at Hudson Bond in Midtown Manhattan for an intimate book launch party with TV personality Wendy Williams. Wendy's super fun and full of life on her talk show and I was pretty excited to not only see what she was like in person as well, but also see what her new book, Hold Me In Contempt, is all about. 

Hold Me In Contempt is William's fourth novel out of a total of seven books, which all include fiction and nonfiction. It tells the story of Kimberly Kind, a driven lawyer who's life can possible get turned upside down due to a huge secret and a "bad boy" blast from the past. I predict that this book will be a huge hit this season and an fun and easy read for Summer vacations. 

Photo via The MOMS

In order to get red-carpet ready for the fun event, Burlington graciously provided each attendee with gift cards so we could hit the stores and shop till our hearts' contentment... or until the balance ran out. While shopping, I noticed great trends for this season -- maxi dresses, midi skirts, bold-colored blouses, and colorblocked pieces -- all designer labels and all for over 65% departement store prices. 

When I tell y'all I was in shopping heaven... 

Mmm! 

Two things were calling my name -- maxi dresses and handbags. Check out some of my faves below: 

And there's more where that came from! Visit Burlington's website or check out #BurlingtonOOTD on Social Media in order to get your outfit inspiration! 

Thanks so much to The MOMS, Wendy Williams, and Burlington for throwing such a fabulous event! 

{Disclaimer: I was not compensated for this post. Event attendees received Burlington gift cards in order to help us get red-carpet ready for the event.}

Indulge in Signature Cocktails with Van Gogh Vodka

The "Spice It Up" cocktail gave me LIFE!

Lovelies, brace yourself because your cocktails just got a little bit sexier. Yep, that's right. With it's vibrant, bold flavors and aromas, Van Gogh Vodka makes for one savory cocktail that you can enjoy alone or mixed in with other ingredients.

This past weekend, I attended a Singles In America event hosted by Single Edition Media in partnership with Match.com, and while listening to the panelist (which, by the way, featured the likes of Patty Stanger and Perez Hilton) talk about all things dating and sex, I indulged in some much needed cocktails.

The verdict's in for the Spice It Up (pictured above). One word: deliciousness! With 1.5 ounces of Van Gogh Rich Dark Chocolate Vodka, 3/4 ounces of milk, and 1/2 ounce of cinnamon syrup shaken with ice and strained into a martini glass, then topped with a pinch of chilli powder sugar, this cocktail gave me life! It was cool and smooth, sweet and flavorful. And it was strong. (I like my cocktails strong.)

With 22 flavored vodkas -- from banana to cool peach to dutch caramel to mango to mojito mint to vanilla, the possible recipes are endless. Luckily, event attendees got to take home a few samples and a recipe book, which is great because I'll be experimenting with vodka cocktails over the next few weeks. Weekends! I meant to say weekends.

Visit the Van Gogh Vodka website, follow them on Twitter or "like" them on Facebook for more information and exciting product updates!

{Disclaimer: This is a sponsored post for Van Gogh Vodka.}

New York Family Magazine Bloggers We Love

It's not everyday that something brings a tear to my eyes. But reading about myself and this corner of the world wide web that I work so hard to maintain did it for me a couple days ago.

I was extremely ecstatic when I found out that I was chosen as one of the ten people for the Bloggers We Love piece over on New York Family Magazine. I love the site and read it all the time so being featured on it was major.

But I was not quite prepared for the thoughtful and kind words said about me. It warmed my heart and brought tears to my eyes. I don't blog for recognition -- I do it to share my experiences, to let the next person going through a difficult time know that everything will be okay, to talk about lessons learned and why it's important to keep pushing and keep pressing towards goals. To talk to single mothers. To talk to younger mothers. To connect with you. And you. And you.

But it still feels good to get confirmation that I'm making a true difference while doing this work. And the kind and thoughtful words? They're a real tearjerker:

"Harper makes a schedule look good. She holds a full-time job as an educator, is a single parent to 6-year-old Aiden, and runs a heartfelt blog. Did we mention she's in her 20s and has three degrees from Columbia University? On top of it all, she still has time to look fashionable! Despite her success in life, Harper has faced serious challenges, and she's not afraid to get real about it." -- New York Family Magazine

See what I mean when I said it's a real tearjerker?!

Head on over to New York Family Magazine to check out the full article. And get your tissues ready!

{Disclaimer: I was not compensated in any way for this post.}

The Year of Progress

One day shy of his sixth birthday

In 2011, I finished grad school and got the two master degrees. In 2012, I had to buckle down, grind through, and work hard until I got the excellent job.

By the time 2013 rolled around, I had one main goal in mind -- progress.

I wanted to challenge myself and make a little bit of progress in love and life and working and writing and this whole single mom thing.

In fact, it was in this year that I upgraded my job and became one step closer to that dream position. And it made me realize that there's no reason for me (or any other young mother or single mother) not to go get our dreams.

Progress.

But it wasn't without a little bit of struggle, ups and downs, bumps and bruises, and hard work.

Progress.

It was in this year that I came into my own as a single mother and gained an immense amount of confidence that I didn't know I had. And it made me realize that I can trust my own instincts when planting seeds in Aiden's life. Or when instilling values in him. Or when teaching him right from wrong.

Progress.

In Puerto Rico

I traveled.

To Philadelphia with Aiden during our spring break. To Atlanta with The Guy. To Puerto Rico with Aiden, where I sat poolside watching my sweet boy swim like a fish, and thanked God for progress. To Connecticut for my friend's wedding. And The Jersey Shore for Labor Day Weekend. I spent a weekend at Geneva on The Lake for The American Dairy Association Blogger Tour and Food & Wine Festival. I was with The Guy and we had a lovely time. Oh, and Aiden and I spent the holidays in the mid-west with The Guy and his family.

This was a big step for me and I'm continuing to learn how to be vulnerable, how to give a little more of myself, how not be so guarded all the time, and how to fully embrace love. Because I deserve it. So yeah... I can officially change my Facebook status to "in a relationship" now. Bam!

(I'm growing up, y'all.)

Progress.

Christmas Day | 2013

I learned when to step up and I learned when to step back by making sure that Aiden has a male mentor to look up to. Something that I learned for sure is that single mothers can create a family for their children. And that children of single mothers can thrive.

Progress.

 

I wrote my heart out and I left pieces of myself in The New York Times and REDBOOK Magazine. I shared my personal style and left a piece of my style in The New York Daily News. In print and online. Bam! I shared my favorite child-friendly hangout spots in NYC and left a piece of myself in Time Out New York Kids. In print and online. Kapow! Aiden started the school year with a new-found confidence, turned six, and rocked it all the way out during the Ugg Australia petitePARADE Kids Fashion Week Show. He's like a total rockstar in the making!

Progress.

Rocking the runway

When I look back, all I can think is... thank goodness for progress. I went through hell with Aiden's other parent, and breaking up, and starting over again. But... progress.

If you're going through hell, keep going. Keep pushing. Keep moving forward. Because it gets better. If 2013 was a testament to anything at all, it was to this simple fact -- life goes on and, if you keep pushing, you'll get better at kicking it's ass.

Promise.

2014, we're coming for you!

{Personal Style} Saturday Nights and Prabal Gurung for Target

[blazer; Zara; top: Prabal Gurung for Target; necklace: Lia Sophia; denim: GAP]

After feeling ill for two days and resting for a day-and-a-half, I was ready to hit the streets of NYC on Saturday night. And that's just what I did. I headed to a fun little bar on the Lower East Side with my gals from college, L and B, and we sang and danced like we haven't done in a while.

I'll admit, it probably wasn't the most responsible and adult thing for me to do since my energy level wasn't exactly at 100%, but once the music starting going, I completely forgot that I was ill a mere 12 hours prior.

Such is life in the Big City.

[B and I]

[L and I]

I wore dark denim skinny jeans with suede knee-high boots (not shown) and dressed it up with a cobalt blazer and my lovely Prabal Gurung for Target top.

After searching for hours for this blazer and top to no avail, I got my hands on a few other pieces that I really like. So it's all good. (I'm still on the hunt for the blazer and top though.)

 What do you guys think of the collection? Has anyone scored any awesome pieces?

Have a very stylish week!

You Are More Than Your Cicumstances

I was talking to someone the other day and they commented on the About Me page for this site. After reading my story, they were really touched and I got the "OMG! How did you do all of this given your past?" I just smiled and shrugged my shoulders (as I always do) and said something along the lines of "I'm favored. And I did what I had to do to make it." (As I always do.) 

Then I got to thinking (pause as I channel my inner Carrie Bradshaw): whenever someone hears my story or learns something about my life, the question is always "How?" 

How did I make it to an Ivy League university on a prestigious academic scholarship having been raised in foster care and coming from an unstable background?

How did I manage to graduate in four years, start my career, and find an apartment? 

How did I not crumble under pressure and give up after finding out the I was gonna be someone's momma? 

How did I make it out of a toxic relationship? 

How did I get through grad school while going through a long, drawn-out breakup safely and sanely, and still be able to smile? 

How am I surviving as a solo single mother and balancing my ever-consuming career, freelance writing gigs and a social life (albeit not so great at times)?

Just... how? 

And then I think about it. 

I am favored. 

And I am blessed with drive and ambition and passion and resilience and grit. 

And, more importantly, I know that I am more. More than just a girl who comes from an unstable background. More than just a girl who had a total "oops!" moment when the pregnancy test came back positive. More than just a girl who was in a physically and financially abusive relationship. More than just a girl who became a solo single mother.

Point blank: I am more than my circumstances. 

And so are you. I mean, I look at Carla, who went from being a grad school student to an instructor (and she is also a single mama). And I look at Tara, who's a young mother of two and a total boss! And I look at all of you and your emails and messages. 

Point blank: you're awesome. And you are more than your circumstances. 

Believe it.

We All Have Insecurites To Deal With

Last weekend, I celebrated my friends' birthday with dinner, drinks, and some much-needed girl talk. We had a really great time and I was reminded (yet again) how important it is to take time out for myself and my friendships.

While we were at dinner, I heard a lot of "I don't know how you do it" and "You're doing so much... wow!" and "I'm impressed with all that you do."

I was flattered.

But, the truth is, I was impressed with all of the other ladies at the dinner table. They are all doing amazingly great things, and still have time to hang out and have a good time.

Some are in graduate school rocking it out.

The birthday girl recently finished law school and is preparing to move across country.

Some are working 'round the clock at their day job and taking care of business with their side hustle.

Some are in relationships and it's going really well.

Some are in relationships and they've just overcome a really rough patch.

Some are concerned about what kind of mother they will be.

Some are worried if they will even have children because they're getting older and haven't gotten married yet. (I pretty much laughed at this comment because 28 or 29 is not old at all, but quite youthful, with plenty of time to reproduce.)

Some are not loving their current job, but working hard to find another one.

Some feel stuck. Some feel successful. Some feel lost. Some feel lucky.

All are blessed. 

The point that I'm trying to make is this: everyone has stuff that they have to deal with. Everyone has a different path that they must follow in life. Those paths are filled with trials and triumphs, sorrows and successes, and loads of lessons to be learned. If you allow for it to happen.

I'm truly blessed with the life that I have now. It wasn't easy getting here. But, it's not all peaches and cream either. I have my own issues and situations and roadblocks that I'm dealing with. Every. Single. Day.

As do you.

And all the other ladies at that dinner table.

So... don't compare yourself to other people. Celebrate their success, yes. But don't think that their lives are picture perfect. Because, we all have our own struggles, insecurities, and challenges to deal with.

Every.

Single.

Day.

Why It's Important to Work Hard (And Smart)

Last night, we had Back-to-school night at my school for grades 2--4. It was from 5:30pm -- 9pm and I didn't get home until late. My work day started at 7am when I was outside of the school, along with my Principal, greeting our scholars "good morning" and wishing them well for the school day.

Started at 7am.

Ended at 9pm.

And when I got home, I prepared Aiden's things for school in the morning, kissed him good night, and worked on an article in order to meet a deadline. 

Needless to say, it was a long day.

While I was drifting off to sleep, I remembered the conversation that I had with Aiden the night before about the book that he "read" to his classmates and I smiled. (He pretty much memorized Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus because he's obsessed with all of Mo Willems' books, and his teachers asked him to "read" it to the class). Then... I was reminded why I do what I do.

I have to.

I have to work hard and smart and go as far as I can in my career. I have to push myself on days that I may be tired. I have to have the resilience, perseverance, and grit to keep moving onwards and upwards.

For the first time in a long time, I didn't feel guilty about working late. I'm blessed with a job that's meaningful to me where I can do the most important work [in my eyes anyway] of our time -- help to close the achievement gap. (And, I happen to be good at it. The other day my Principal told me that she's happy that I'm apart of the leadership team, and that my drive and dedication inspires her. *Insert image of Alicia doing the running man here*])

But I digress.

I have to go hard.

Not only for myself, but because I have to show Aiden what can be accomplished with hard work. And smart work. I have to set a good example for him.

Because if I don't, who will?