{Dating Tales} Keeping Good Karma

I'm sitting in training workshop at my agency with several other counselors and social workers. It's the second workshop in a series of six 3-hour long workshops that's scheduled to take place over six consecutive weeks. It's a Friday morning and the weather outside is pretty gorgeous -- sunny, spring-like, lovely.

I am bored.

To pass time, I try to engage with the facilitator of the workshop as much as possible by giving my two cents on everything from child development to why it's important to express empathy with others, especially our clients.

There's one guy in the workshop filled with a dozen women. Tall, dark, and handsome, he's got my attention. And he has the most beautiful eyes that I've ever seen. Ever. Now, I'm a lips gal myself -- a brother with some sexy lips and a sexy smirk to back it up wins me over every time. But man... those eyes, those eyes...Yes!

At the first 3-hour long workshop, during introductions, I find out that he's originally from the south and moved to New York City for law school, but is currently taking a year off and is filling that year by working at my agency (but not in the same office as me). Nice. Noble. He proves to be a gentleman very early on when he offers to throw my empty cup of coffee in the trash. So I give him the nickname SG for "Southern Gentleman."

He walks in late to the second 3-hour long workshop and the only sit available is the one next to me. He sits down... next to me. And things begin to get really interesting really fast. During the first half of the session, I compliment him on his sneakers. "Nice kicks," I say. Give a brother a compliment, and he'll run with it. During the break, he strikes up a conversation with me about one of my favorite things in the world -- Aiden. He's got a southern accent and it's kinda sexy. During the last hour of the session, he begins scribbling something on a piece of paper and then hands it to me. It reads: You seem really interesting; would it be possible to get to know you a little better?"

Hold up. What grade are we in again? Because the last time I saw a message like this, I was in the 5th grade. (I later find out that he was going to draw little boxes so that I could have checked off "yes," "no," or "maybe." He should have done that -- it would have been cute. Sort of.)

Realizing that he was waiting for a response and that I was trying not to laugh, I respond in a very polite way. From there, things get even more interesting.

Friday afternoon:
SG hits me up asking if he could take me out that night. I'm intrigued, but can't go out because I'm heading to New Jersey to spend time with my Godmother. I inform him of this and tell him that I'll be back on Sunday.

Sunday afternoon:
SG hits me up to ask if I had a good weekend. That seems nice, right? Halfway through the conversation, SG says, "You're really pretty. I just felt the urge to tell you that." Umm... how does one respond to that? Very politely, I say, "thanks," and later in the conversation we make plans for a date the upcoming week.

Monday morning:
I get a text from SG saying, "Good morning. Have a good day hun." Umm... hun?! How did we get here?! I try to respond casually by saying, "Good morning" back to him. Nothing more, nothing less.

Monday afternoon:
I have a voicemail waiting for me saying, "Hey Alicia! This is SG. I just wanted you to know that I dropped my phone and the screen broke so I won't be able to see your texts. But I wanted to give you my work phone number and my email just in case you were trying to reach me." I pull my phone away from my ears and say, "really?!" into the receiver, as if my phone was the one talking to me. The phone rings. Again. It's SG. He wants to know if I got his message. (Seriously, I can't make this stuff up.) I tell him that I did and we proceed to talk for a few minutes. During the conversation, I ask him where he lives in NYC. When he says that he lives about an hour away from me, he asks, "Is that going to be a problem? Because I don't want that to affect our relationship." Our... WHAT?! How did we get here?! I figure out a way to politely end the conversation because I'm obviously getting freaked.

Monday night:
I get a text from SG. It reads, "Thanks for giving me a chance. I won't disappoint you." Umm... you already did. 


We've already planned a date for tomorrow night, but I'm thinking that I need to get out of it. Fast. So I'm thinking of every excuse I can use to cancel.

But I don't. I go on the date and when I see him -- and those eyes -- I remember why I agreed to go on the date in the first place.

The date is pretty solid. I have a nice time and few good laughs. Halfway through, he tells me that he's definitely interested in dating me. No, really?! I would have never guessed! I tell him that I'm at the point where I'm enjoying dating and getting to know different people. He's not feeling that response. At all. SG seems as though he's interested in being in a relationship. Like, yesterday. In fact, the morning after the date, I get a Facebook friend request from him. Too much too soon, folks. Too much too soon. So, a few days later, when he asks me if there will be a second date, I have to give it to him straight.

Now... I've been on both sides of the coin. I've been the person waiting to see if someone more suitable comes along, and I've been with someone who seemed to have been waiting for someone more suitable [than me] to come along. It ain't pretty, but all's fair in love and war.

That being said, I don't want to find myself in a position where I'm leading this guy on. I believe in relationship karma. And "karma, karma, karma comes back to you hard." (Name that reference. It's from one of my favorite albums ever!) So I tell him. I say, "I'm not looking to be in a relationship... It definitely seems like you and I want different things at the moment. And it would be kind of messed up if I continued to hang out with you when we both know this."

His rebuttal? "I'm not asking for a relationship, Alicia. I just want you to be open. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. But don't eliminate me without getting to know me first."

I can't lie -- that response does pull at the heart strings.

Sigh.

Maybe I was too hastily in prejudging this one. Maybe SG has a good point. Maybe I should give this one another shot...

Entertaining At Home? Prep and Clean Up Tips from Arm & Hammer

A few weeks ago, I was invited to an evening with Katie Lee -- entertaining expert, celebrity chef, and best-selling author at a private event in SoHo, which was hosted by Arm & Hammer. While I was not able to attend the event where attendees spoke about all things pertaining to prep and clean up when entertainment at home, since Spring is in and my balcony is begging for me to host another Ladies Brunch (replete with mimosas, of course!), I can't help but to share this info with you.

[Photo via]

What I love most about Arm & Hammer Baking Soda is that it's cheap and versatile -- for about $3 you can have a pretty good cleaning and deodorizing solution. Before you host that Spring brunch (I'm not the only one who's thinking of hosting a brunch, right?), think of all the things you can do with Arm & Hammer Baking Soda:

In the Kitchen -- Clean your food prep area, wash fruits and veggies, and add a table spoon to your regular dish detergent to help cut grease and foods left on pots and pans. This is so much better than harsh cleaners.

In the Living Room -- Sprinkle Baking Soda on upholstery or carpet, let it sit for 15 minutes, and vacuum it up. Score!

In the Bathroom -- Clean the bathroom floors, wastebasket, and shower curtains by using Baking Soda to remove dirt and grime, leaving a true fresh scent.

In the Dining Room -- Sorry. We don't have dinning rooms in New York City -- we have "dining areas."

Happy cleaning! And happy mimosa-filled brunching!

{Disclaimer: Event attendees received a gift bag at the event. All opinions expressed herein are my own.}

The Birthday Post: Letters to My Younger Self

Today I turn 28-years-old. It feels good. I feel good. When I think of where I came from and where I am now, I can't help but think to myself, "Damn, I've come a long way."


Because it's true. I've come a long way. And this week, I found myself composing short letters to my younger self that serves as proof.


Dear 5-year-old Alicia -- 
Baby girl, you're like Annie -- half orphan. Mama never had an abortion; papa sorta did, but you'll manage to live. (That was a Jay-Z reference. You'll grow up to love him.) 


10-year-old Alicia --
It's been five years and you still haven't had closure with the whole "mommy, daddy, and grandma are not really able to take care of you" thing. It's cool though. Mommy and grandma seem to have their own demons to battle. They will. In due time. Allow this to be your first lesson about timing -- it is everything.


15-year-old Alicia --
Girl, daddy may not be around to have the "teenage daughter talk" with you about how those teenage boys can be. He's not going to teach you the ropes, but you'll learn them anyway. In due time. You may never get closure on your relationship (or lack of relationship) with your father. But you'll make peace with it anyway and move forward. 


17-year-old Alicia --

No matter how many times you scribble his name in your diary or how many times you see how his last name looks next to your first name, you will not marry your high school sweetheart/first love. You two will go to different colleges and you will break up. You’ll be devastated by it during freshman year. It's cool though. You'll survive. I know this much is true: you will ALWAYS survive. 

22-year-old Alicia -- 

You’re about to graduate from college. Wowsa! You didn’t do nearly as many wild and crazy things that you thought you’d do in college. But it’s all good -- you’re not that kind of people. And that’s quite alright. You’ve got your head on strong and you’re going places. You’ve overcome so much already and you’re ready to experience life. It’ll only get better from here.

22 ½-year-old Alicia -- 

Umm… yup! That’s a positive sign that you see on the stick you just peed on. You are definitely pregnant. Say it with me: “Ah, man, f*ck!” I guess you were saving the wild and crazy things for post-college, huh? Okay, I see you. I respect ya gangsta.

23-year-old Alicia -- 

Floss. No seriously, floss. Daily. I know your gums are sensitive because of this pain-in-the-ass-morning-sickness-all-gosh-darn-day-long pregnancy, but... floss. Otherwise, you'll have to have dental surgery when your soon-to-be-son is 3 ½ years old. Only thing is that you'll be in grad school at that time and in the middle of finals and a thesis. And you'll cuss yourself out for not flossing three years ago. So please, for the love of fluoride.... floss.

24-year-old Alicia -- 

Ahh... The quarter life crisis begins. You had a baby, unexpectedly. You got lost. Very lost. In a relationship that, you guessed it, didn’t last. But, I promise you, you find your way out soon enough. In due time. (Remember what I told you before: timing is everything.) And you'll be better, stronger, and a little bit wiser because of it. Hang in there. Even when you can't see your way out. Hang in there. There's more to life than this, lovely lady. 

25-year-old Alicia -- 

When he shows you who he really is, believe him the first time. It need not matter that you have a kid together. Trust me on this: believe him... the first time.

26-year-old Alicia -- 

Being single in your 20s is going to be many things, but above all, it’ll be a learning experience. And I’m pretty sure it’s an invaluable one. Being a single mom in your 20s will be even more of a learning experience. You thought you were resilient as a child and teenager, but you’ll learn the true meaning of resiliency, perseverance, and hard work. All over again. You’ll learn when to try harder and when to walk away. All over again. You’ll learn the meaning of strength and courage. All over again. You’ll build character. All over again. You’ll still make mistakes – lots of them -- all over again. But you know what? You’ll kick some serious ass. 

Lady, I’ve got three words for ya: you. better. work. 


Because there’s so much more for you to see and do and experience and learn. There’s life to live. And you’re ready to live it. On purpose. And with a purpose. 


Cheers!

Six Perfectly Good Reasons to Spend Time Away From Your Kids

It was just one of those days—a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day—just like Alexander. Aiden must have woken up on the wrong side of his toddler bed because he was extremely cranky and threw tantrum after tantrum. And I must have also woken up on the wrong side of my bed because I wanted to throw tantrum after tantrum, but that's not a very "adult" thing to do.

The day before, he was Dr. Jekyll. But that particular day, he was bordering on Mr. Hyde. He threw toys and cried for seemingly no reason. It's almost as if he forgot how to use his words, save for the times he whined. As for his nap; of course he didn't want to take it.

I needed to get away from him—fast. Which got me to thinking: There are times when moms need to get away from their kids no matter how absolutely adorable, incredibly loveable, and totally awesome they are. Here’s why:

1. They have the potential to be annoying. 
Let me preface this by saying: I love my son. I carried him for nine months and I think he’s the best gift ever. But sometimes, sometimes he annoys the crap out of me with the whining. And don’t even get me started on the "terrible threes" that seemed to have led to the "ferocious fours." (I suppose I annoy him at times too with my nagging, but that's another post for another time.)

2. Sometimes there are just too many gosh darn hours before bedtime. 
This goes along with my previous point. When my kid is being a pain and it's only one p.m., I either need to hide in a closet or get away. I can't really hide in a closet because my son may just annoy me even more by following me in there. So, I chose the latter.

3. It’s rejuvenating. 
As cute and fun as they are, kids can definitely be draining at times. It's hard work taking care of someone else 24/7. We’ve got to feed 'em, bathe 'em, clothe 'em, play with 'em, soothe their boo-boos...the works! Sometimes we need to rejuvenate and remember that we have identities outside of motherhood, which brings me to my next point.

Read more of my rants on REDBOOK: 6 Reasons Moms May Need Time Away From Their Kids  

Classic and Sexy in Herve Leger Navy Mini Dress

{Dress: Herve Leger; Shoes: Aldo;
Eyes: Bobbi Brown; Lips: Rimmel London Berry Rose}

This week, this delicious single momma will be turning 28-years-old! Woot! To celebrate my upcoming birthday, this past weekend, I grabbed a few of my NYC all-stars and headed out for a night of dinner, drinks, and dancing. Oh, and fashion too.

To kick-off my upcoming new year, I donned a classic navy mini Herve Leger bandage dress. It was all kinds of sexy, perfect for an "upper 20's" birthday celebration, and definitely highlighted my best assets.

Need proof? Please lend your attention to exhibits A, B, and C, also known as the booty poses:

Oh yeah!

I paired the dress with fun and flirty fuchshia peep-toe pumps with a metallic heel from Aldo. I promise you, these shoes we're giving me LIFE on Saturday night! I told my friends R and T that these are officially my new fave pair of shoes... and I fully intend on rocking the life out of them this Summer.

To complete the look, I added a few accessories that were equal parts feminine and sweet, equal parts trendy and edgy -- totally Mommy Delicious style.

{Three prong necklace: Express;
"Mommy" necklace: Michael C. Fina}

{Clutch and ring: Aldo Accessories; Cuffs: The Junk Boutique;
Nails: Kardashian Kollection Kim-pletely in Love}

Before heading out that night, I had a blast rocking out to the Rihanna station on Pandora, curling my hair, and pretending to be a Herve Leger model. Shout out to R and D for taking these pics and putting up with my requests for them to "take another picture... these are going on the Internet, ya know?!" The dress looks black in these pictures, but... eh!

I could totally be a Herve Leger model.

Hope you guys are having a fashionable week!

Celebrating Earth Day 2012... eBay Style

Sunday is Earth Day! You know what that means, right? It's time to celebrate all things green and remind ourselves how to be more eco-friendly and kind to our Mother Earth. After all, she's all we have. 

While I certainly wouldn't consider myself a "Go Green Guru," these days I'm finding myself trying to be as eco-friendly as possible. From learning tips and tricks from the adorbs Tristin and Tyler to using household and baby products from Jessica Alba's The Honest Company to perusing the eBay Green Team site for tips on buying and selling in a more green way, I'm totally a Greener Alicia. Score!

To celebrate Earth Day (which, is totally like the Superbowl for the eBay Green Team), the eBay Green Team is helping users of all personalities approach their individual shopping experiences with an eco-friendly lens. 

Don't give me the "Huh?" confused look just yet -- it's a lot simpler than it sounds! Just as I told you in this post, "green" items are pretty much anything that has been pre-used. (Or "pre-loved", as I like to say.) I'm sure many of you are right in the thick of Spring cleaning so instead of throwing items away, monetize off of it and sell it on eBay. Okay, okay... maybe I'm the only one who's still in the midst of Spring cleaning, but, like, you get my point: selling items on eBay can and will help you "be more green" by extending it's useful life and reducing your carbon footprints. 

First, head over to the eBay Selling Inspiration House for, you guessed it, ideas on things you can sell after you're all done Spring cleaning. After spending some time on the site, I was able to get a better idea of things in my apartment that I could sell and not toss. (Totally Green thinking.)

Then, head over the the eBay Green site to get tips on how to list your items. For instance, instead of listing Aiden's outgrown t-shirts as "Used T-shirts," I'm learning to describe that folks can use these t-shirts as play clothing for their children. It gives them a reason to buy it. Pretty smart, huh? (Totally Green thinking.)

Next, head over to eBay Green site in order to learn how to ship green with the eBay recyclable box program. (Totally Green thinking.)

Last, sit back and wait for your payment to come. (Totally green thinking. But in the other sense, like, green dollars.)

{Full Disclosure: As an eBay Parent Panel Ambassador, this post is sponsored by eBay. All opinions expressed herein are my own.}

The Strength To Be Vulnerable

Once in a while, someone will say to me along the lines, "I don't understand how you can be so open on your blog." That comment is usually followed up with something along the lines of, "Isn't it strange to put yourself out there?"

My response is always simple. "It's cool, you don't have to understand." And, "Nope, it's not strange at all."

(If you read yesterday's post, you'll know that I'm in a "To each his own" kind of place right now.)  It is cool. And they don't have to understand why I do what I do.

But I'll tell you. Back in July, I wrote a post sort of explaining why I do what I do here on this corner of the Internet. Sure I'm fairly open and transparent with lots of things going on in my life. (Within reason.) I don't share everything, but I do share things with a specific purpose in mind. And that purpose is you. I've noticed more and more that people who are going through things that are similar often email or message me to share their stories, to release, to feel comforted in knowing that someone else out there is getting through (or has already gone through) what they are going through at this very moment.  

That sense of universality... that sense of community... that sense of "If she can do it, so can I" -- that's why I share. It's certainly not because I think I have all the answers. Because I don't. But it takes strength to be vulnerable. And it takes strength to "go first," so to speak. It's scary at times, but you make it worth it. So thank you. I hope you know that you inspire me as much as you say that I inspire you.

Blessed To Be A Blessing

[Originally published on July 15, 2011] 

I often think about the mission of this blog and I how I want to convey my life for the use of this community. Some weeks more than others. This week was one of those weeks.

As I thought about where my I have been in life and where my life is heading, I kept coming back to the same important thought -- I'm blessed to be a blessing.

I have been through a lot in my life. Trials and triumphs. Bad times and ugly times. Hard times and harder times. But when it all boils down, I know that I've had a lot more ups than downs. In my opinion anyway.

Optimism.

I've shared some of my most personal stories on this here place and space.

My struggles with dealing with an unexpected pregnancy.

My struggles with learning to cook. Or the fact that I was totally cooking-impaired. I still am. But just a lil bit.

My experience with domestic violence and the decision to leave the relationship.

My struggles with accepting my single-mom status.

The boundaries and privacy issues that have arisen as I attempt to use the bathroom sans Aiden.

My struggles with starting, sticking with, and finishing graduate school as a solo parent. #Winning.

The lessons that I've learned from being in an abusive, toxic relationship.

My dating escapades as a young, single mom.

And much, much more.

My story is far from perfect. I've made mistakes. Lots of 'em. And I've even shared those mistakes with you. Because I've bounced back from them. Most of 'em anyway. And they've made me into the person that I am today.

Blessed.

It takes an immense amount of strength to be vulnerable and personal and lay it all out there -- the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Resilient.

When I think about the mission of this blog, the one thing that comes to mind is that I want to be a blessing to someone else. And I pray that I have been because, in reality, none of this'll matter if I am not a blessing to you in some way. If you are not inspired by this community that we've created, then it'll all be in vain.

But it hasn't been. Because you are blessed to be a blessing. And I am blessed to be a blessing.

So thank you. And you. And you. And you. For making Mommy Delicious the community that it has become. This is only the beginning. We've only scratched the surface. And it's never felt better.

High five.